Am I depressed or just being crap?

[Gonewiththemadness]

That really.
In some ways I’m better than I’ve been in a long time, in some ways I’m not.
In previous years I’ve struggled with generalised anxiety disorder and eating disorders.
I’ve worked through allot of things and have attended CBT and counselling which I did find very beneficial.
I left a long term unhappy relationship last year, started working a job I loved and started socialising more again and for a while I felt really good.
Just this last couple of weeks though I feel really un-motivated.
I feel like I don’t care about the job anymore and am seriously considering giving it up and not working.
I feel so emotional so often and cry so easily, at songs, at tv, stuff I read but not my actual life.
I feel happy in some ways but only really when I don’t have to see anyone outside of me and my children.
When it’s just us or just me I feel mostly happy except the lingering knowledge that it can’t be like that all the time. If I didn’t have to see or speak to anyone else other than them again I’d be really happy I think but I know that’s not real life and would be really unfair on my children.
I’m so happy knowing the holidays are just around the corner but anxious about them ending already and I don’t even know why.
I feel a bit irritable and distractible at the moment too. Nothing major but I feel guilty when I’ve been irritable at home over anything as I tend to expect myself to be perfect for others. I know this is silly and worked on that during counselling but the feelings are still there.
I do enjoy spending time with my friends, I have a few close friends rather than a wider group but I tend to feel drained if I spend too long socialising so tend not to over do it.

In some ways I’m really happy. I love cooking, days out with my children, playing games, reading, I appreciate the simple things like animals and bugs, sunny days, the sea, long walks, music, writing etc but I also feel so un motivated towards life when it involves others.
I know I probably sound really odd and I suppose I’ve always felt like this to an extent.
I like to be around others and enjoy their company and good conversation and love to help people etc but I just can’t handle allot of it and feel like I really want to withdraw from others as opposed to actual life right now.
Is this depression or do people feel like this?
I’ve never let myself seriously consider anti depressants but might they change how I feel?

First of all you are definitely not being crap Op , secondly it doesn’t sound like your depressed as you mentioned you enjoy days out reading playing games as you say and you like socialising and you sound like a people kind of person , though sometimes even sociable people need space and time just for themselves, and when your feeling like you want to withdraw from others maybe that’s just an indicator to yourself that your ready for that me time? It doesn’t sound like you need anti depressants, Maybe just keep doing the things you enjoy and why not also try new things/hobbies you may enjoy? As this might make you feel more happier in life , you also mentioned your not feeling motivated in your job? Could that be the answer? Maybe finding a job or career which feels more motivating for you , sorry for rambling on but hope this helps in any way x

Thank you for the reply!
That’s the thing, I find the job really motivating and rewarding. It’s something I’d wanted to do for a long time but for some reason I’ve just lost my motivation with it all.
I feel a bit drained and like I just need time to retreat into my cosy little bubble.
The problem is that once I get in I find it really difficult to want to come back out again.
I don’t know how to explain how I feel other than Ive always put a front on all the shit stuff and maybe I’ve done that so well that I’ve managed to “fake it until I make it” with being happy but I feel overwhelmed easily and when I feel like that I just need to be alone. Is that normal?
I just feel like I’ve worked so hard for my whole life to get to where I am now and I hate the feeling that I want to just give up and retreat away from the world.