Please tell me its ok to seek help

[MyUsernameHerstory]

Hi
I wrote here some time ago, I'm bipolar but not on any medication, I haven't had any major manic episodes for a long time now but i'm almost constantly low. I am scraed to seek help, i fear they will section me, force drugs on me (Im worried about the side effects), I will lose access to my DC. I want to feel better because I cannot continue to live like this. I'm not suicidal but I do wish to die/disappear. I believe my family will be happier without me. I have a long history of depression and I don't have anyone to talk to. I can talk to my DH about feeling low but he too must be sick of hearing the same old stories all the time. No one else knows I am bipolar and DH does not believe in the diagnosis. Everyone else would disown me if they knew (believe me, they would). I feel so alone and I feel like I am destroying myself, I feel it physically. I have chronic physical pain. I take every little 'rejection' from my family as major rejection and it sends me on this downward spiral. I cannot manage this anymore and I fantasize about walking out. I have known for a long time that my DC will grow up without me. I am already 'phasing myself out' of family life at home, I don't include myself in conversations etc so that my DH and DC can see that they can cope without me. It is as if Im already no longer here.

I promise you that it's ok for you to ask for help. You are ill and you need some help. You shouldn't feel embarrassed.

Bi-polar is really serious! Who diagnosed you? What have you been advised to do in the past if you are struggling?

When did you last see your GP? I presume you are not on medication?

If you are feeling reluctant to see your GP then how about contacting a mental health charity. Maybe, Mind, Bi-Polar Uk or even the Samaritans if you are feeling bad. I don't know what charities are available but maybe some other posters do.

I really hope you get the support you need and that you feel better soon. 💐💐

Thank you so much for replying. I was diagnosed overseas (now back in the UK). The doctors there wanted to put me on medication (lithium was the most recent offering). I have not seen my GP for 'this' since we came back. For the chronic pain and associated mood issues my GP wanted me to take antidepressants but I refused as Im worried they would make me manic.

Does your GP here have your notes from overseas? ie do they know of this diagnosis?

sure is right, it is absolutely OK to ask for help, in fact if anything it shows an awareness of the fact you need help and are being proactive in asking for it.

Maybe write down some of your thoughts and hand over to the GP. They will want to help you.

No, my GP does not have any notes...I have now contacted the mental health team where we live. Its the first step. Its tough enough to convince yourself that you are deserving of help when you are like this.

That's good that you have contacted someone. Hopefully they will help you.

I think you should tell your GP too. Bi polar is a serious condition. ☹️

Your biggest fear seems to be that you will lose access to your dc if you ask for help and treatment, but it seems to me that if you don't do anything then you feel that you will lose them (or they will lose you) anyway.

I'm glad you have taken the first step and please do explain everything to the team, and/or your GP.