Feeling empty but everyone still wants to pour from me

[Aureum]

I’m constantly exhausted and struggling to cope with boisterous and non-sleeping DS 2yo who I’m convinced has some sort of undiagnosed SN. Life has dealt me a shitty hand and I had a particularly terrible day today, I’ve been in tears all day and I’m just done. You can’t pour from an empty jug and I literally have nothing left. So I arranged to leave DS with his Gran this evening. I thought I might have dinner with DH and get some attention and support.

DH thinks that since DS wont be occupying me this evening that means it’s his turn. So as soon as I put down the phone on Gran he started pestering me for sex later on. So I’m in tears again because he clearly doesn’t understand that I’m broken down and just empty, I have nothing left. Satisfying his needs is not my priority - I’m trying to just keep myself afloat. I arranged Gran to babysit because I needed time for ME, not so DH could have his turn at me.

So I phoned back and cancelled. It’s not a break if I’m basically just swapping the person who’s climbing all over me. DH is furious and saying when will I make time for our marriage? So basically if I have a second when I’m not giving to DS then I’m expected to give to DH instead. I literally don’t exist any more except as a chunk of meat to satisfy other people.

Just me who has this problem then 😩

You definitely can't and it seems like you have had enough and sound exhausted. Does your DP not see how hard things are and how you are feeling?

I hear you - you’re not alone in this one

I often feel the same - two DC - DS I’m convinced is SN and really struggles with social interaction. DH thinks he’s just naughty and we need to discipline him more - but doesn’t see at all that DS is a mirror copy of him and I think DH might be on the spectrum too. DD idolises her older brother so while she’s fine on her own together they are a disaster

DH cant’t handle the children together at all. If i go out for a few hours all hell breaks loose at home and I come home to three grumps and I need to pick up the pieces.

I work full time and going for a big promotion this year so work takes it all out of me too.

And then I collapse into bed at night and DH is only interested in sex. He always complains we don’t have enough...

I never feel I get a break for me - i give everything either to the kids, DH or work. And if I do have ten minutes to myself i usually spend the time worrying about what I’ve forgotten to do. I want to do more exercise and loose weight - but never feel that I’ve got the headspace to do it.

I’ve tried some mindfulness which helps me refocus. Working on my self esteem helps a bit as well - It’s like I value everyone else more than me so will put them first. If I can get my head to accept that I am worthwhile caring about too that helps me push back on everything else. But its not easy - and small things can end up being a massive set back.

Does your DH take your DS at all? Can you get some space that way? Does he help at all in the night? (Lack of sleep is the worst form of torture). Can you pick out maybe one thing that could make your life easier and work on that one piece? Have you got someone to talk to / vent to?

You sound depressed. You really should keep the babysitting arrangement and use that time to tell your partner exactly how your feeling. If he's still pestering you for sex and putting his own needs first then he's an arse! Some people need things spelling out otherwise they assume everything's fine and carry on. Will the gran (your mother?) babysit for a day one time so you can have a day out and do something for yourself or would it be possible to put your dc in nursery a couple of mornings a week so you can just have some time to yourself?
I get like this if I have absolutely no time to myself (although my dc are older and at school) but I think we all need time to just be still and in our own thoughts once in a while, how you are feeling is not unreasonable.

I’m sorry. Men can be so insensitive sometimes.

Could you arrange to go to your mum for a night and leave the child with dad?