Need to talk

[coffeeandchoc]

Please don't feel like you have to read this. I don't need any replies to thus needy post.
I just need a space to get everything out.

About 2 and a half years ago a started feeling incredibly overwhelmed at work. I felt that the amount I was expected to do was far too much for my part time hours. There does seem to be a bit of pile on more and more and see how they cope attitude from my director and manager.

I was also struggling with incredibly painful and heavy periods. I spoke to my doctor and was told to go on the mini pill!

I told work I was struggling.

Things improved a bit. But I think this might have been the start of a down turn for me.

Looking back, I have struggled to find any positives. I feel just blank. Can't find the joy. And I think the feeling has gradually gotten worse.

I have had a few times at work where it has felt too much and I've had a panic attack.

I feel unimportant. Like I don't matter.

I don't want to socialise or see my friends. Once my children are in bed I just want to sleep.

My DH's job us very full on. He had a promotion in September and has been working flat out but has been getting more and more stressed.

This week he decided it is too much and went to the doctor who said he us stressed and depressed and signed him off for two weeks.

I feel resentful that he has been signed off, but no one seems to see how much I'm struggling.

I feel like I'm not allowed to feel like thus. I can't stop. I have to carry on. But all I want to do is stop.

I don't need a reply from anyone.
Just need to get it all out.

I see you OP, and I see you are struggling. You don't need anyone's permission to ask for help for yourself - but if you feel you do, you have my permission.

I think you should go to the Drs and get signed off too. You should read your post out and say how you are feeling to them.

You sound down and you need help.
You have classic signs of depression.... not wanting to socialise..... just wanting to sleep....no joy in anything... panic attacks.

Don't let things build up before they are insurmountable. See your G.P and maybe go for counselling.

Are you able to talk to your husband about how you are feeling?

I told my husband a while back that I was struggling so he does know (or should). I just feel that because there is no reason why I feel like this then I don't really feel like it if that makes sense (probably not).

If I haven't got anything in my life that is bad enough to make me feel like I do, then there is no reason to be like this and I just need to cope and be ok.

Maybe this is just me and how I am?

Sounds like you are both burned out. It's very difficult because neither of you can support each other as you are both running on empty.
Sometimes it actually takes a lot of strength to accept you need to self care and withdraw from the treadmill for a short while.
It's really good that you told your work how you are feeling.
I would go to your doctor and sign off sick for a couple of weeks. There is no shame in this.