I'm not really 100% sure what i'm hoping to accomplish from this, maybe some advice, a rant or to know it does get easier.
I wanna start by saying I love my kids so much and give them my absolute all which is probably half the problem.
I'm exhausted, I so want to be on top of everything but it just feels like I cant get my head above water even for a minute, I feel like im drowning in it all. I need to get on top of this but I just dont know how.
I have 3 beautiful sons who are 5, 4 and 2, they are my world but I find myself so snappy.
They are very affectionate kids and so am I so I love that but there is only so much of me to go around, id love to be able to sit and cuddle and watch a film but there is never enough time. between cleaning, washing, cooking, general house hold chores, constantly tidying their rooms etc. they don't just get out a few toys it looks like a bombs gone off. if I leave the jobs for a day it just means there is more to try and catch up on the next day so that's not really an option.
We have our own house which we bought before having kids, but it needs a lot of work, so that's pretty time consuming and expensive. its not things we can really leave either.
I'm working a 16 hr job in a pub so my 4 year old son can get 30 hours childcare at preschool, he's been going for a year and loves it so I don't want to take that away from him. Plus we need the money.
my husband does as much as he can to help but he works long hours to just about cover our bills, my wage covers food and the odd extra.
my eldest is struggling in school with reading and writing and im struggling to provide the extra time to catch him up.
My youngest is 2 and at his last review they said his speech is behind. I think nursery would help with this but i just cant afford it, we don't qualify for the 2 year funding and its £52 a day for nursery. So feeling pretty guilty about not being able to give my son something that I know would help him. He is really clingy as well and wont even let me go to the toilet by myself, problem is there isnt anyone else to have him except me so thats what he has got use to.
my youngest is a terrible sleeper too and is teething ATM so even worse.
to give you an example of my weekend, my Husband went to work at 6am on Saturday came home at 11.00, I was out the door by 11.40 finished work at 7.30, got the shopping, kids to bed, shopping away and in bed by 9. sunday we spent the whole day trying to tidy the house but didn't get very far because all 3 kids were home. Sunday night my son was teething so every 10 mins he was awake until 3am then we managed to have about 2 hrs till 5 when my 4 year old woke up. im off to work tonight too so wont get to sleep till at least 12am.
We don't get much help, my mum does but my step dad has very bad arthritis so they struggle and will never have all 3 or more than one over night probably once a month if that. his parents are flaky, if they have one they pick them up at 5 and drop them home in the morning asap. ive tried asking for more help but never get anywhere. its either ignored or im given false promises that don't amount to anything.
I cant remember the last time I slept through the night or even managed a meal with my husband alone.
I need to lose weight to, im really unhappy with myself but there is no time to focus on that as other things are more important. I don't do anything for myself anymore, there really is no spare time or energy
This is all so negative and such a rant im sorry! I just don't have anyone that is in a similar situation to me to talk to, I have friends with 3 or more kids but they have a lot more help from family.
And if you have read through all of this than Thank you 