Depression and Anxiety

[Claymore1966]

Hi there
I wonder if anyone has any advise.
I was initially seeing someone who has depression and anxiety for a period of 18 months and she called it off. We were really close for another period and then recently we were back together but taking things very slowly, things have been going ok until last week.
We had spoken about going away and things were looking find, she said she really trusted me and knew that I had her best interests at heart looking out for her etc. When I visited last week I knew she was in a down mood (stuff she deals with in her job is traumatic and quite difficult), after about half an hour she said she didn't want to go away and thought we should call it off. There was also a lot of things that she said that were quite hurtful and casting things up I had said in general conversation in the last few weeks before this. One thing I apparantely said was that I think like is a bit of a wheel, work, sleep etc. it was just a throw away comment. But she said she had been thinking about all these things, ruminating over them and she didn't thinik we were compatible. Even though in the previous weeks she was really in to me, was thinking about stuff we could do and was being really ok. This was a bit of a surprise that she said these things as there was no warning, even the invite to her house seemed ok.

I having been helping her with her DP and anxiety, being considerate, caring and watching out for her and I really think we have a future.

She said herself that I don't know why I find her attractive when this is the way she treats me. She also said she was stubborn

I don't get it, I know everything is probably negative to her and this might have been lashing out but I didn't deserve it

Can anyone advise or comment Thanks

Why did she call it off the first time?

Do you think you are a crutch to her?

I would be very careful of attributing her behaviour to her dp or anxiety. Having either of those do not mean its acceptable to be mean. I think you do deserve more tbh.

Thanks Goldfishgirl, Before it kicked off she had been talking about stuff, plans etc and everything seemed normal. I don't think it is that, she is quite a nervous person and she ruminates over stuff and she worries needlessly about stuff, continued overthinking of stuff. Agreed it is not nice to be on the receiving end of it. She just didn't listen as she is so wound up. I just wondered what people thought

I have no advice OP.

I matched with a man in tinder a while ago now. We chatted loads but never met

He revealed he suffered life long anxiety and was now suffering depression from work issues like yours is. Also alcoholism.

He didnt meet me and stayed away. He kept saying he would when he felt better.

He did. We had a great time. Got on so well. Met a few times

Then he had a relapse because of the anxiety of starting a new job. He stopped messaging as much wouldn't meet me at xmas as in bad way.

The way it stands now I told him I was hurt. He apologised profusely more than once.

But it has been left open ended as he has said he is really struggling right now.

So does it mean he will come back or what? He will reply if I message but doesn't initiate now.

The difference with mine is he stayed away from me when he was at his worst. He didnt inflict it on me and wouldn't meet me until he felt a but recovered.

He has never spoken to me poorly or done anything that your gf has.

The worst he has done is say he wants to do something and not follow through.

If he ever spoke to me the way your gf has he would be gone. Depression is no excuse

Dont know if mine will come back to me for real

Thanks Needtomoveon84, think I am just trying to get my head around it, I know it sounds mad for me to stay, but I think there is something still there. Its an illness and I suppose I should really walk away

@Claymore1966 the way I see it with mine and it applies to yours too, is that I have nothing but the utmost sympathy for him but if after a year he is still not well enough to give me anything in return or date me then I have to consider if he is worth waiting for.

The reasons are valid but the reality is they are not available for a relationship.

I wouldn't try and help her with it. You can't save anyone.

I would let her know you are still there for her but keep your distance.