What do you do when you've lost yourself?

[marshmallowkittycat]

I feel so lost and sad. On the surface, I'm lucky. I have two healthy children and a roof over my head and we're making ends meet.

But I feel so unsatisfied in life. My relationship with my husband could be better (he has a physical disability and depression which can make life hard). My job is just, okay.

I literally have no fun and no idea even what I enjoy anymore. After having children particularly I feel like I don't know who I am.

A few years back I had a large amount of therapy as I had a very difficult childhood - a narcissist for a mother and being severely bullied. This is no longer an option for me financially and CBT wasn't helpful.

I don't know where to start to change things, I don't know what in life I want. I feel so stuck.

Anyone else ever felt like this and managed to change things? How did you start?

For me it was a realisation that I was playing lots of roles. When I compartmentalised them I realised I spent my time playing up to other peoples expectations.
When I dropped all that falseness I began to find out. I don't know it that helps OP.
But the journey started by reading "the power of now" by Eckart Tolle.
Taking up mindfulness meditations. You can get apps for this
Having meditation classes at the local Buddhist centre.
Having a self introspection.

Thanks. My default is to please and live for others. I bought the book suggested, I like to read anyway and anything is worth a try.

Anyone know of a decent meditation app? I know about headspace but looks pretty expensive.

I bought this book, comes with a CD with 8 meditations.
Also, think about doing an action for happiness course :)

Yes I have been there. I used to be a massive people-pleaser, my mother was also very troubled and narcissistic, I ended up marrying a raging narcissist and thought everything was all my fault till I was about 40 when I pressed the F* You button and literally stopped caring about the opinions of other people and learned to recognise who was important (in my case the DCs, and precious few others).

Put yourself first, even for just 10 minutes a day. Take yourself out of the house, go for a walk, find a book, watch something on tv that interests you and nobody else. One day in the week, cook dinner that you particularly like, never mind if the rest of the family doesn't. It is your duty to yourself. It makes you a nicer person to be around, you have more to give back to other people.

Initially it'll feel weird. You'll feel guilty. You'll worry about what other people are thinking, but you need to do it.

You don't need to buy anything, you just need to allow yourself that time and tell yourself that you deserve those 10 minutes.

Then after a while you might want to move on to the bigger things, like taking up a hobby, sport, interest, joining a group you want to get involved with. Or even just connecting with nobody for a few hours and doing whatever you feel like doing.