I'm in need of some advice. I'm 35 and i've always suffered with heavy, painful and long (usually 8 days) periods that have always come with bad mood swings. But I've found that since I had my son 18 months ago my PMS is becoming increasingly unmanageable. I had PND after he was born but this improved massively with therapy and I'm now doing ok...most of the time. But every few weeks I have a few days where my mood absolutely nose-dives and I worry I'm relapsing. During these episodes I isolate myself from friends, feel incredibly anxious, I decide I hate my job, I hate my husband, I actually (god, I'm ashamed even to be writing this) think I hate my children. But after a few days it's like a fog has lifted and I can suddenly see very clearly that my job is fascinating and rewarding, my DH the best friend I could ever hope for and my absolute rock and my DC are bloody marvellous if occasionally exasperating and I wonder what the hell it was all about!
I know I am definitely someone who is sensitive to hormonal fluctuations as I had horrendous cystic acne after I gave birth (having never had acne in my life before) and was told this was due to hormones.
After spending all this weekend just gone feeling anxious and on edge about nothing in particular, yesterday afternoon I ended up sat in my car in a supermarket car park absolutely sobbing my eyes out, punching myself in the head and thinking about ways to kill myself and make it look like an accident. Today I don't feel like that at all, I feel absolutely fine. Tired after the stress of the last couple of days, but otherwise fine. I take the Pill continuously without a break (on the advice of my GP) but have just realised I'm on the last day of this pack, so if I was having periods it would be due anytime now. I then realised that the last time I thought about killing myself was around the same time last month.
I can't have PND that only surfaces every few weeks, can I? So I'm coming to the conclusion that this is more likely to be PMDD but I'm worried that because of my history if I go to the GP it will be dismissed as straightforward depression and nothing to do with my cycle. Has that been anyone else's experience? Also, if it was PMDD why wouldn't it go away since I'm running Pill packs together and not actually having periods anymore.
Any advice or experience with this would be most welcome.