Hi to all of you beautiful ppl, I have been reading threads in this topic and you all sound so wonderful and caring, I hope someone can shed some light on what has been going through my mind recently.
For some context my father passed away after he was terminally ill. the year before that my ex and I had a horrible break up - he was cheating on me and left me for the OW. Since then I have met my partner and he has been a light in my life but recently I have been having these flashbacks of my ex and the way we ended, when I found out he was cheating and how he treated me afterwards. He said he was depressed and I tried to be there for him but now thinking back I feel like such a fool. I'm angry at myself for being manipulated - he said he loved me so much but then left me in such a cruel way. He never reached out after my dad died (I don't know why I thought he would) but I gave him more credit to be nice as a human being with a heart who proclaimed at one time that he loved and cared for me.
I have only started to think back to the break up recently and wondering if our entire relationship was a lie. sometimes I feel stuck in this limbo where the cheating and confusion is giving PTSD. We've been broken up for over 2 years and things are great with my other half - even to the point we are thinking to get married.
is this normal? will all his years of manipulation, verbal abuse, cheating ever leave me? why was I so blinded in the first place to think he ever loved me when he ended up doing what he did,, and why on earth would I think he would reach out for condolences for my father when we ended the way we did? am I that naive and dumb?
another bit of context is the last convo we ever had was him and the OW calling me and shouting at me on the phone. After this we never spoke and I had completely accepted the kind of person he is, but seems with more time passing I am trying to get my head round the entire ordeal all over again. what Is happening?