internet friendships

[battlestargalactica]

i'm wondering how "real" people feel their relationships are with people they've never met, only know online/via text/chat/email.

i have an ASD diagnosis (as an adult) which i recognise makes me a-typical in a "general" population, but amongst early/keen adopters of internet chat and text communication i feel more like "normal", for what that's worth.

have struggled with face-to-face relationships since forever, and made some real connections that have been incredibly meaningful, whether or not i've necessarily met those people in "real life" (and i think i've prolly done more of the internet-meet stuff than most of my direct contemporaries aged 40+).

i just lost an online-only friend unexpectedly. i'm trying hard to work out how to frame the connection i felt that we had, the loss that i'm feeling.

i have "real-life" responsibilities that have no substantial overlap with my "online-life". how to respect/grieve without it allowing it to impact significantly on my overall wellbeing? (which has been shaky for a long time, but in which i found some company/fellow-feeling/shared challenges with the friend who's gone)

i dunno what i'm even asking but i need to... say... something...

the samaritans lady was really sweet when i eventually got through. but i know i need more ongoing support than that.

to the best of my understanding my friend died from "misadventure", which could cover every one of my previous half-hearted "attempted" semi-random mixes of booze and drugs,.

he didn't have kids living at home. i have to drive it home to myself that difference. that i'm not allowed in any way to follow him, no matter how tempting the idea of relief might feel.

No real advice but I totally get the online friends thing, I suck at face to face. I have more "friends" online than irl with no overlap.
Your grieving, an online friend or support is still just that, a friend or support you trust. Have you looked at grief support sites?
Sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

Whether you met your friend face to face or online is irrelevant. He was clearly an important person in your life and a significant source of support. It's natural that you should grieve for him, but it sounds like you have fears that this may tip over into more than "ordinary" grief, in that you are concerned that you might be tempted to "follow" him. That's rather concerning. Do you have real life support?

You're right that it's different when you have kids at home. They need you, and they need you to be well, so please get help and take good care of yourself. I'm sure that's what your friend would have wanted.

thanks for responses x

i lost my dad and my best friend in quick succession a few years ago. my friend lost his mum around the same time and then his sister. having received so much support (online) through my losses i hoped i might be able to offer similar to him.

i'd recently stepped away from the community where we met and hadn't "spoken" to him since september. while he was supposedly "in recovery" i knew he'd repeatedly relapsed, had employment problems and a rocky romantic relationship. he apologised for "dumping" on me and said he had no-one else to talk to about it. i don't believe i could ever have influenced his reckless behaviour but i wish now that i'd pursued contact a little more.

i have a counsellor i haven't seen in a while, i'm going to make an appointment. suicidal thoughts/feelings are something i've lived with for a long time, when they emerge more strongly from the background is a warning sign i know to act on.

again, thanks for the chance to express some of this stuff x

Glad to see your gunna make an appointment and can see the signs of needing too.
Mental illness sucks ass :(