Return to therapist?

[Shinynewcoin]

I bailed on my therapist 6 months ago, cancelled and never went back. Now i need closure from that I think, he never contacted me, will he think I'm odd if I contact him and what do I say?

I found it so odd that he didn’t contact you to find out what was going on!

I would go with what you have written here and say you are contacting him because you want closure.

Good luck!

I find that weird too, thank you for replying!

I suppose if you cancelled he may just have felt it was your decision. As in you didn't just not turn up when you would expect him to message you.
Did you not find him helpful or was it that you were avoiding something ..

He was horrible to me in my last session so I didn't want to go back, I just can't forget about it though and it's so frustrating, I really want to leave it behind me but I can't seem to, we'd got on so well up to that point.

Why would you go back if you felt he was horrible?
“Got I’m so well”? This is a professional? They’re not meant to be a friend. You sound more like you’re talking about a date who didn’t call than a therapist.

What do you mean he was horrible to you?

Actually horrible/ nasty? Or just made you think about some truths that you didn’t like/ was matter of fact with you?

You need closure on finishing therapy?

I very much doubt he'll remember you, so I doubt he'll think you weird. If you want to continue therapy, I would contact him, If you want to tell him off, I wouldn't bother.

Why would you get in touch for closure? Closure from what? What do you want to hear? Do you owe him an apology? (I don’t think you do btw,you cancelled, end of)

That he’s sorry he was nasty to you in the last session or that he’s been worrying about you?

I hate to tell you that I think it’s highly unlikely he will say either of those things, in fact he’ll probably barely remember you. You will just be another patient who left. He won’t care.

Do you feel like you were starting to fall in love with him or him with you? It’s a common thing patients think. Happens all the time. It’s not real. Walk away with your head held high and dont contact him.

If it makes you feel better write a heartfelt letter saying everything you always wanted to say - and BURN it. Always makes me feel better, like I’ve got something I wanted to say out of my system.

Then get another therapist.

What did he say to you?

He will definitely remember you, despite what pp said.
It sounds like it would be useful for you to go back so do it.

Therapists are used to people coming back a long while after stopping, for various reasons, it's quite common. So it wouldn't be an 'odd' thing to do.

Also, sounds like you had what they call a rupture in your last session. Repairing a rupture with a therapist can be incredibly cathartic and bring valuable insight.

What you’re describing is a rupture that the therapist should know to establish a repair with you. Depends what it was all about to be fair. Though no contact doesn’t seem professional and I can understand you wanting to get in touch to be able to have the ending you deserve

Thank you for all replying, and talking sense into me! I saw him for 8 months so I believe he may remember me. He said that the way I said something was 'not nice' I scowled and looked at the floor whilst I said it apparently (?)

Wow! Sounds a bit more judgemental and a bit less compassion and understanding! Maybe he’s just not a great match for you

(Hit send too soon)

It could be he’s rubbish at his job but the reason i mentioned the match is that the therapeutic relationship is said to make a huge difference to the client and helps the best possible outcome from therapy.

I’d have thought you deserve to have a therapist support you and explore whatever it was that made you sigh and look at the floor...

Thanks twopointfour, we did get on really well initially and it really helped me, I think that's why I'm struggling with the ending happening like it did.

It's hard to say without context. It sounds as if he was challenging you? Suppose it also might depend on what you said.
It seems you avoided going back and exploring it/ finding out at the time but now maybe feel you want to ?

What is the something that you said that was 'not nice'?

I think he will certainly remember you. It sounds like it might be worth going back as it seems like there is unfinished business that could be helpful for you to process. As a therapist myself, I would say it is not weird that he didn't contact you. If a client cancels, then you take them at their word that they don't want to come any more. You don't chase after them.

He will remember you of course.

He'll definitely remember you, in fact the doubt you have around that is unfinished therapy business in itself!

Make contact with him, ask him if he would see you to talk about how things ended between you. There's no guarantee he'll offer to meet you, but I'd be very surprised if he didn't reply at least. If he's an experienced therapist working to high professional standards he'll have had his own struggle with how things were left between you, so it's likely he'd be open to looking at that together.

Did you post a few months ago asking if he would talk about your case in supervision? I think it's very poignant that you're still not feeling any resolution in this situation and it probably originates from significant experiences of 'endings' in one or more of your previous relationships. I hope he can help you work through this