Mental health due to childs health

[Winterwonderland10]

Does anyone suffer because of their child's health?
My DS is 3.5 and has had health issues his whole life. Felt like it's one thing after another. A year ago he had a fit triggers by a high temp which was triggered by a chest infection which I believe is down to his reflux issues. I struggled before but not this badly. I pinpoint it to that moment that I've really struggled.
Since then we have had numerous chest infections and A & E visits. Not long ago we were referred to see a specialist although I believe it's not the right one. I feel so stressed and on edge all the time. Waiting for my DS to get ill again. I'm having counselling for anxiety and have been on various anti depressants. His health is getting worse and I've had to take days off work which results in less money (I'm a single parent so one income).
I feel like in drowning. Ever since he was born we have had trumatic events. One being in resus at 4 months old. Then admitted in hospital for 3 days. I really struggled then. I feel like I've lived in the doctors as he has a milk allergy too and fought to get the medicine he needs.
Sorry it's all jumbled. Just so stressed

YES. I totally get this. When DD was a baby she suffered many health issues (some life threatening some not) and I kept going and coping etc etc. After one particularly bad episode she got the all clear and it triggered some very severe panic attacks (although at the time I had no idea what they were and thought I was a either v ill myself or a total nutter). Was put on meds and came through it but I do know the signs now and try to pre-empt episodes by putting myself first (not above my child but above cleaning/ tidying etc). I'd stayed strong for too long and hadn't looked out for my own health.

DD is a teen now and had another health issue happen (new) last week. I made sure I stayed as calm as I could and didn't take on too much work wise etc but even so I have come out with a horrendous cold sore and feel run down and drained by it all but not unable to cope if that makes sense as I knew it could escalate if I let it and didn't want to go through again what I had when she was younger.

I eat really well, go to the gym when I can and take time for myself (obv when DD is at school) and don't let friends demand on my time and generosity (I used to be such a doormat). I cut out toxic types and that has helped a lot.

I know we have different situations as your DC is really young but I can so relate as that was me years back.

Thank you so much. It's so reassuring to hear from someone who's been through similar. Yes I coped while the situation happened but over the years I think it's got to me. There's only so much you can take on mentally isn't there. I feel so bad for my son too going through it but he knows no different as it's been his life.
Yes agree about toxic people and having time for yourself. I also used to be a doormat. I find exercise helps with my stress too. Atm I just feel like it will never end and I will always have this anxiety around my DS getting ill. Part of me feels I have mild PTSD from the trumatic events that have happened over the 3.5 years.

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I also found that I coped better not looking too far ahead and not comparing myself to others eg: "so and so seems to cope okay and she has xyz going on so I should too" etc etc. Thing is it's all relative and no one can compare what is stressful and what isn't as it hits us all differently.

I remember saying to a Dr that I have to show that I am coping and hide all my stress and he said that isn't it better just to be coping and not to put pressure on myself and that really helped. Once I opened up to friends how I was feeling and actively stopping all the extra stuff I thought I ought to do (baby massage, swimming, gym club etc) they opened up and admitted PND and their own struggles and I realised I wasn't alone. DD has no recollection of how stressed out I was in her younger years and how I only just managed to get by and your DS won't either although she knows about her health issues as some are ongoing. I had a traumatic birth (and painful pregnancy) so I think it was all pent up issues all coming to the surface.

Live one day at a time and I would think of one positive thing that happened that day (even if tiny like not crying) and that would let me focus on something good so I could sleep well that night otherwise I used to beat myself up by remembering things that didn't go well and then couldn't sleep for worrying - that helped. Be kind to yourself

Yes, absolutely. One of mine is just about to ‘graduate’ from the kids hospital system but has been in it for all of their life. They spent several months there after birth and have been a frequent flyer ever since. Parents always get together on the ward to compare notes, and for any kids with chronic conditions, parents are usually on antidepressants as a given sometimes with anti-anxiety meds added in. Pretty standard.

Yes, completely identify. My son was critically ill just over two years ago and health issues have persisted as fallout from that. He is on the mend (slowly) but I feel like I'm always on edge, waiting for something to go wrong.

It can be a stressful way to live but I also feel thankful to still have him here. I constantly compare our family to others, thinking (wrongly) that they don't have any worries. But the truth is that the health scare came out of nowhere, and it could come out of nowhere for anyone else too. They just don't have the anxiety related to such an event because it hasn't happened to them.

I agree with the suggestion to list blessings in your life/good things that have happened today. It somehow pushes away the negative feelings and helps you to see the positive, however small those things are. Those small things are what make up your day, after all, but it's sometimes too easy to let one large negative thing dominate.

Bit of a ramble but just wanted to let you know I understand.

Yes absolutely. My daughter was diagnosed with cancer 6 months ago. We are so lucky that she is doing well but I’m struggling. Hard to concentrate on anything else and so much more anxious. Totally understand where you’re coming from.