Husband is suffering from severe depression but kids and I suffering too

[Krustyandthekids]

Just need to spill really. Husband is suffering with severe depression at the moment (not been this bad before) but has managed depression in the past through exercise. A bad road traffic accident two years ago (v bad) means he is unable to work through bouts of depression like that now.

He is taking anti-depressants and is currently being seen by the crisis team as things have got to the point that he no longer thinks that life is worth living.

Our DCs (13 and 8) have noticed that Daddy's mood is bad (short tempered, sleeps a lot, not interracting etc) and eldest caught me crying quietly earlier when he snuck down for an extra cuddle when daddy went to bed early. He asked if DH and I were splitting up and I reassured him that we weren't thinking of doing so but had (another) quite grown up talk about MH and how it is affecting his dad.

My heart is literally breaking for them all. I lose my temper much quicker than usual, DH cannot do the things he would usually be able to manage and I am not being supported as I (frankly) cannot lose my shit at the moment and have to make sure I'm stable enough to pick everyone up.

How should I best talk to the DCs about their dad and how should I handle it myself. It's very hard being in a house with someone who you love desparately but doesn't want (can't accept) your help and it is breaking my heart to see the children missing their dad when he's in the room.

Sorry - just looking for a bit of company really. Hoping it will all be OK in the end - just can't see how at the moment :-(

If he’s getting help that’s a huge positive but you need support too. You can’t care for everyone and not yourself. Do you get any time to yourself, have anyone to talk to?

I saw a counsellor through work just to have someone neutral i could whinge at while dh going through severe depression. I leant heavily on his family too and had a couple of friends I could ring to come round so I could take time out.

There’s probably on line support for talking to kids about mh issues.

They probably need someone to talk to as well...

And I am really sorry for what you are going through, it’s so hard. My dh is so much better now but it was awful at times. This too will pass became my mantra.

Thanks for the handhold and advice Salamander.

I literally just said 'this too shall pass' to DC.

I have a telephone counselling appointment on Friday so hoping someone neutral will give me some perspective but as you say, it's so hard in the meantime.

The fact that the children are noticing and worrying is heartbreaking.

Get counselling for yourself too. Face to face preferably. You're carrying a lot. What is your support network like? You could do with friends / family who can A) take DC for some time out and B) let you offload. Don't think that you can't confide in others about this - you need people to help you too.

Thanks Buttery, I do offload but it's hard to stay positive and sometimes anonymous helps.

Hoping to get some one to one counselling sorted. As you say, it would be good to do.

Just struggling today. It's so hard to see people you love suffer from depression and because of the affects of it too!