My life is going nowhere

[skittleboy]

I'm 27 I have no girlfriend, never have, few friends, no direction in life, I don't know what the hell I'm doing, I'm lost. I'm just existing, going from one day to the next, getting no pleasure or purpose out of life. Everyone else seems to have a plan, getting married, having children, constructing a life for themselves. I've been left behind, stuck in a rut. Just me.

It's frustrating. I am the same age that my parents were when they had me. Their lives went the normal way, lots of girlfriends/boyfriends since 11 years old then they found 'the one', got married, bought a house and had me. What have I achieved in that same time period? NOTHING. Even if I found someone tomorrow I would still be 16 years behind everyone else.

The clique thing to say to someone like me who is unhappy is 'make a change, pick yourself up...blah blah blah.

Well how exactly?

I work alone, the few people I come across are nice but they are busy with their wives/families. I have tried joining social groups that do stuff I like like pub quizzes but I'm the only person under 55 that goes. I can't understand it because my towns population is 120,000 so where is everyone? Nobody in their 20s or 30s wants to go? So how can I make a change when it's not me that needs to change it's everyone else, technically. But I can't force people to go out if they don't want to.

Sorry I know that sounded negative but that's how I feel. Any advice?

Thank you.

I’m assuming you have hobbies and things you enjoy doing, they’re a good way of meeting new people. It’s more common than you’d think to feel this way... sometimes people put on a good show of being happy yet are desperately sad, even the ones with families.
Try writing a list of things you would like to accomplish. Then work out what you need to do in order to achieve these things. Nothing is impossible, and it’s never too late to implement change.
Work on yourself and loving yourself.... it’s a cliche but happiness is an inside job. Work on yourself and finding pleasure in life, make some new friends with similar interests (join forums, download apps that help find likeminded people)
There’s no magic wand anyone can wave, but you can start by making small changes. There’s lots of great self help books out there, it’s finding the motivation to commit to the changes. You can do it, I believe in you

@ErinLee93 Thank you for your answer. I would like to meet new people, especially girls but like I say it's hard because they don't show up to events. You would think there would be a 39 year old maths teacher somewhere that wants a night out meeting people at a pub quiz or something but nope. Not in my town anyway.

So I get what your saying but I can't do those things if I can't meet people. And I can't influence what other people do, only myself. So I'm stuck.

Network.
Those older people at the pub quizzes have daughters, neighbors, co-workers, etc. Let them know you are available for blind dates and casual introductions.

You won’t be 16 years behind everyone else. Firstly “dating” at 11 isn’t real dating! It’s little kids playing at dating. Secondly there are lots of people who didn’t date until at least late teens if not later. Also younger couples aren’t in a hurry to settle down - you’ll find that couples who met at 18 and couples who met at 28 probably still get married and have babies at roughly the same time. The people who met when they were younger just date for longer before committing.

Also most people don’t meet “the one” at a young age anyway. There’s no difference between a 27yo with five exes who meets “the one” and settles down, and a 27yo with no exes who meets “the one” and settles down. Both have started their relationship at age 27.

You also have to consider that the world is different than it was when your parents were younger. People in their 20s aren’t swanning around buying houses - it’s simply not possible, they cost too much. The average first time buyer is 33yo and the average first time parent is 30 (and average means that half of people are older than that).

You said most people you meet are busy with their wives and families. That’s pretty much how it goes - wives and families suck up a LOT of your time. These guys aren’t out with friends - they're doing the massive chore of feeding kids, bathing them, tidying up after them, putting them to bed every single night. You need friends who are single people who have the same free time that you do. Pub quizzes are not the place to meet young people - try some hobby groups? I’ve always found amateur theatre groups to be really good for building self esteem and meeting the type of people who have lots of free time to invest.

You’re 27. That’s still really young. Plus you’re a man so you don’t have an age limit on your fertility, you could reasonably have kids for the next 20 years. Just relax and do things you enjoy. My DH was 26 when he met me, we married at 32 and had a baby at 34. That’s not “old” or “late” nowadays.

So what else have you done/joined other than pub quizzes?