Tremor and anxiety

[Overit182]

Hi. Aww god I hope someone can relate. I have spent years like this and haven't came across anyone else who can understand me.

I have a Tremor in my hands that is caused by anxiety. It started (i think) in university (10years ago) and it escalated from there.
I was a nurse & during my training noticed a thought pop in to my mind -what if i cant do this injection successfully?, what if the needle doesnt go in or i hurt this person? The moment comes and my hands were trembling so bad I couldnt do it. My mentor took over and nothing else was said. No advice at all from what i can remember. I finished my training but at the real detriment of my mental health it turns out. (Im not a nurse now)

Now all these years later this spread to writing in public, drinking in public etc anytime I think people might see my hands tremor.
The anxiety around this is so high, its now like a phobia.
I cant register at the dentist without Propanolol.
I did 2 courses of CBT. 1 short stint at Hypnotherapy. Hell I even tried pushing myself into situations to 'expose' mysef or 'Desensitize' myself. Nothing worked.
The writing fear is my biggest issue. My last therapist suggested I simple accept the help of others if its possible, without feeling guilty.

If I do absolutely have to do it then consider telling people 'sorry I have a tremor' and use Propanolol if needed.
This sounds great until- I got married (this required champagne and Propanolol to sign the register) We want to have a child. What kind of mother will I be??
Cant even sign my child in & out of nursery without a full panic attack or Meds.

Please Please do leave a comment if you can relate or advise.

Many Thanks.

Seems to me like you're beating yourself up over the propranolol and it's affecting your self esteem.
I have tremor, I got prescribed propranolol when I couldn't reliably do everyday things because the tremor was so bad (I remember coming home from a cashpoint in tears with no money because I couldn't stop shaking enough to get my PIN number in.)
Anxiety is one of my causes but not the only one. I took the propranolol for a few years but haven't needed it since having kids for some reason - I still have tremor but I think I am calmer overall and if it gets bad it affects me less emotionally and thus I don't get into the spiral with it where it makes me anxious so the tremor gets worse. It has never made me an unfit mother. Stuff gets spilled. Visiting playdate children comment. You fumble with poppers or zips on clothes. None of this stuff is serious and if it was, there would be workarounds - people with minor disabilities just like people with severe disabilities can still be excellent parents.
From what you say it sounds like you have only been prescribed propranolol on an as needed basis. Have you looked into taking it long term? Obviously in an ideal world we would not be reliant on drugs but as medications go it's pretty well understood and mild in its side effects.

Aw thank you so much for replying. Yes I do beat myself up for using it because its all anxiety. I think had I been diagnosed with a physical tremor like Essential tremor I would almost feel better. Less like I'm constantly cheating.
I still feel like I should be able to get the hell over it, push through without it. Ive tried & failed.

Im going to a wedding in a few weeks and someone mentioned a guest book! I was like nooo I cant write in a bloody guest book.

I think if I could control my anxiety around this issue, the prospect of having a child would be so exciting.

I laughed at the playdate comment. Kids are brutally honest

Yeah i have been precribed 10mg 3 per day. I just take them as an when though.

I think to some extent this kind of thing naturally becomes easier as you get older, because you care far less about what people think of you and in terms of people's reactions to you, you've seen it all before.
It is really hard when you are stressed about it because your anxiety communicates itself and the whole encounter becomes cringy, whereas if you are genuinely at ease about it it is a very trivial detail. But of course it isn't as simple as that because you can't simply switch off your reactions!
I think now if I was in the wedding guest book situation I would have no hesitation in handing the pen to the nearest victim and saying 'I can't write as I have tremor, would you mind doing mine?' And they would most likely be happy to do a random person a small favour and then we would both forget about it. But 20 years ago (I am 47 now) I can see it becoming a huge deal. I am not sure what I would have done, maybe hid in the toilets if someone tried to make me!
The nursery sign in situation, I think they would have to accept my name was an illegible scribble and if they weren't ok with that I would make it their problem, not mine, to find a system that would work for me. But that does take a certain amount of confidence, doesn't it?
I totally get what you mean about it being easier if your diagnosis is physical, because there isn't the stigma and there isn't the implication in anyone's mind that it's your fault. However, firstly I think that anyone who stigmatises or blames you for mental health problems is an idiot, and secondly attitudes are improving and I don't think most people these days would judge you as much as you fear they would. More importantly, I think the separation between physical and mental causes with tremor is a bit of a false one. Mine is officially essential tremor, and I know it's not anxiety because I still get it even when I am feeling completely chilled, but it does get sooo much worse when I am stressed, so clearly there is a huge mental element. And equally there are people with anxiety who don't shake, so there must be a physical difference between you and them.
On a day to day basis though I just say I have tremor and you don't need to say anything different - they don't need to know WHY you are shaking, just that you won't be able to do x because you have a shake.
I think it's important for you to let go of the idea that you can push through and magic it away by getting control of your mental state and you are somehow a failure if you don't. Ultimately it is a small physical disability that you can easily live with (and not half as bad as the people who have, say, chronic pain conditions like fibro) but it does take a few adjustments.
I was lucky because at the time when I was diagnosed I was having counselling with a wonderful woman who happened to only have one hand and who broke all the rules of the sort of counselling she was meant to be doing to share some of her experiences with me - I am getting quite teary thinking about it - because it turns out there are quite a few parallels between not being able to use the hands you have got properly and having only one! Weirdly I can hardly remember anything she actually told me but I think I definitely learned from her attitude, which was all about looking for practical solutions, not hiding from the problems or angsting over them, and not letting it stop you from doing things you want to do (because it is so tempting to eg stay at home and not go to the party.)
Something I have also practised over the years is acting very calmly, speaking slowly, keeping still, breathing deeply, because I got so bloody sick of people assuming I am nervous when actually I am not, just because I am shaking (or more often, assuming I am massively nervous when actually I am just a little bit nervous). This has turned out to be a really useful technique when I AM nervous too! I am also not afraid to draw attention to the tremor if I suspect they have already noticed it or are going to anyway - eg at the start of a meeting I might say 'By the way, don't worry if you notice me shaking, it's just tremor, it tends to happen more when I'm tired!' which gets it out of the way and avoids them staring at my hands all through the meeting trying to work out what's going on.
Apologies, I am just rambling on... Not sure how helpful any of this will be, I just wanted to assure you that you're not alone, and it will get better, because even if the anxiety related tremor itself doesn't improve, it is possible to learn to live with it in a way that doesn't get in the way of your living your life x

I was diagnosed with tremor and have been on propanalol for about 24 years. I was shaking so badly I couldn't put sugar in tea or serve people's drinks (worked in a pub) without spilling them. I also started having panic attacks.

I started off taking small doses as and when but I found I was worrying about when I might need it etc. I then was prescribed slow release, take one a day (I take in the morning) and have been doing this for 20 years. It really works for me. The down side is I can't build up stamina eg with running but I hate running anyway.

I have it for anxiety too. 40mg as needed or 3 times daily in a really bad episode. It cant be helped, it's the adrenaline rush from the anxiety, it's not something you can control any more than you can control saliva production when you smell food, it's a chemical reaction.

Thank You everyone. My anxiety has gone from a 10+ back to 0 because you took the time to respond. I really appreciate it.

@TheCountessofFitzdotterel
You make so much sense and its not rambling like you said. It's amazing. I am so grateful you shared your insight. I never considered just saying to a Nursery - Hey, I need help with that what can we do? I'd rather have a 5 minute slightly awkward conversation than spend however many years worried about the pick up and drop off.
They don't have to know it has anything to do with anxiety either I suppose.

I agree, most people probably wouldn't judge, this is just something I have to get used to telling people if I think they notice it.

I have tried breathing slowly, acting calm, talking slower etc and I do find that works but not on its own. I still need Propanolol.
I will be printing all of your responses off and using them when I get into a state of panic.

@Captainpantbeard 24 years! Its so great that this has worked for you for all those years. Also very reassuring for me. thank you & eh pouring drinks for people - I can relate. I used to work in a bar. Nightmare.

Nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut "it's not something you can control any more than you can control saliva production when you smell food, it's a chemical reaction" This is perfect! and exactly what its like. Thank you so much.

xxxxx

Wow this could be me! I have the most terrible tremor that develops whenever I have to do something in front of someone. I am on kinds of meds but nothing works really. It has got so bad that I intentionally buy stuff from shops/ supermarkets etc under £30 so I don't have to put my pin number in ((bring on the tremor). You are not alone. (Wobbly) hand hold.

@Mitzicoco I feel for you. Thanks for posting & letting me know. It's so reassuring to know I'm not alone.
I have seen so many 'professionals' who look at me like I have 2 heads when I say 'I am scared or embaressed to write infront of people'
Noone could help me with it.

Ye know what, its a Tremor, no matter the cause, its a Tremor & hopefully having a label for it besides 'Im scared' will help people accept us for it without any negative judgement.

Well...thats the hope anyway

It's pretty awful isn't? Not so bad when it's really cold out and you can say you are shivering! xx

I can absolutely relate.
I've suffered from social anxiety for 20 years and one of the symptoms is a very strong uncontrollable tremor when I have to do an action in front of someone (not all situations but a lot), like signing something or pouring coffee.
As nothingcanhurtme said, it's adrenaline and is impossible to control. It's certainly held me back in my career and stopped me from going for jobs that I'm well-qualified for :(

I have this and have realised over the years that it is linked to anxiety. Sometimes I can't hold a coffee cup without spilling everywhere which is embarrassing when in company.

Even worse is when people say 'oh your hands are shaking'. Yes I know, and your comment isn't making it any better!

My bench mark is whether I can do my eyeliner. If I can't then I have to tell myself to calm the fuck down and start again.

OP, I have 2 children and there is very little you have to do day to day which would affect you tremor etc. You don't need to sign then in and out of nursery.

I am sorry it has got so bad for you, but please don't let it put you off having children. It really is the best thing in the world being a mum, and I say that as the mother of a 14yo! (and a delightful 9 yo)

incidentally, I have found this thread really interesting as I was sure I was the only person ever with an anxiety tremor. In fact I almost put it down to essential tremor, except that its not all the time. Everyone else has made me feel a freak for my shaking hands, since childhood now I think about it, so thank you to all on this thread!

Thank You Thank You Thank You.
I honeslty feel like im having a hallelujah moment. Here you all are i've been looking for you
My people haha.

My husband has always wanted kids and I said aw once we buy a house, we bought the house a year ago, oh once we get married, we got married 4 months ago (In Vegas - amazing place to get married with those of us with a Tremor btw)
Now my work is going through a merger so im like oh once I know my job is secure
Im just scared i'll mess up my kid!

I can relate to not fulfilling your potential in your career too. It just seems like too much pressure, the anxiety makes it not worth it, never mind trying to steady your hands.
I am a 'senior' in my job and had to sign timesheets for our Temps while they stood and watched. Honestly, I felt like phoning in sick because my heart would beat out of my chest.
I had to eventually ask them to go to someone else. Exhausting.

Sorry, im going on & on.

@FunnysInLaJardin I feel exactly the same way. I thought i had essential tremor too. My GP even mentioned it to me but it was a passing comment. It planted the seed but im pretty sure its anxiety. Im starting to wonder why it matters. We can deal with it in the same way.

My husband has anxiety tremors-writing, using a phone, making a cup of tea- they can all escalate the issue just as you describe- and he also has propanalol on an as an when basis (amongst other medication). Ive never known anyone else with this so this is really interesting for me to get a better understanding so thank you.
My husband is also the primary carer for our two Dd (he works pt and I work ft) and we have a DS due any day now. He is the best dad and he has developed good and subtle coping strategies (buttering up the nursery staff so they do the signing in for him, big mugs for tea but only filled half way etc). I would do any writing if we are together without thinking about it/being asked-likeba wedding guest book. Im not sure the kids have ever noticed but they ask a million questions about everything so it would just be another one to add to the list (why is your bottom hairy, why do dogs bark, why is our car red, why is your hand wobbly...). Please dont let it put you off!

Being told that your hand is shaking is about as helpful as a sack full of shit as being told that you are blushing

@Welcometoparadise Im glad this feed is helping.
Why is your Bottom hairy haha Brilliant. So it seems its quite common. Yet everyone here thinks its just them or someone they know.

Buttering up the Nursery staff is something I would have to do. Maybe i'll come back to you for tips on that one later.

I got diagnosed after spending six months in Germany where complete strangers are completely unembarrassed about coming up to you and pointing it out. Up to that point I had never really noticed shaking wasn't something that happened to everyone!
It was also a particular problem in Germany because I used to have to cycle home from the station for lunch, and exercise always makes me shake, and it is normal there to have soup for lunch! I don't need to explain on this thread why that caused difficulty!

How rude! How did that make you feel?
I exercise most days, it helps with Anxiety & its just a habit now but It does make the tremor worse. It eases off again after I sit down for a bit & eat.
Presumably yours wouldn't?
Ahh soup! No thanks.

@Welcometoparadise Congratulations on the DS! I missed this comment on my first read of your reply.

My tremor after exercise does ease off but it takes a while.

I think what I hated most about people directly commenting on my tremor in Germany was that they would ask me why I shook and I had to say I didn't know. I felt like a right idiot! When you have an answer prepared it takes up less of your brain iyswim.

One of my hobbies these days is reenactment and I also volunteer in a historic house as a costumed interpreter and craft demonstrator. On a typical day at least one member of the public, not always a child, will comment on either that or my red face, if I am having a rosacea flare up. Not only does this not upset me now, I have learnt to use it to my advantage in steering the conversation onto interesting things - if I am doing first person interpretation (which means actually pretending to be a medieval person) I might claim that the reason I am shaking is because I have been working since 5am and haven't had enough to eat because I am only paid a penny a day! Or if I am doing third person (where I am dressed up but still speaking from my viewpoint as a modern person) I might say 'yes, I shake because I have essential tremor, it makes some jobs really difficult but luckily it doesn't stop me spinning. Did you know spinning was a job that was often done by elderly women and widows to survive when there wasn't anything else they could do?' and so on. This year I am going to be a posh Tudor person so in preparation for that I am going to look into historical medical beliefs around tremor and see if there are any wacky remedies I can show people. Hours of fun

I cannot believe how brazen people are. I would never point out a Tremor or a red face.
Its noones business. Whether it's Neurological or Anxiety (or both) the question only serves to make matters worse.
It's simple ignorance.

Your way of handling it is amazing. I hope some day I don't let it impact me as much as I do now. I consider it before I do alot of things. My heart beat so fast anytime I know its going to be an issue. Which of course makes it worse.

Your volunteering job sounds like good fun! Plus your helping to educate people on Tremor.
Speaking of educate...what exactly is 'Spinning'?

Me again.
Has anyone tried exposure therapy for this?
(Not the Essential Tremor people because unfortunatly that wouldn't help) but anyone else?

I have started the process of getting help for this i.e reached out to my insurance who have passed my details to a Psychologist.
I reckon exposure therapy is going to be the recommendation having tried Cbt already.

There has been alot of tears just at the thought of it.

I'm just wanted to pop back to this and update that I am now almost 6months pregnant. I still come back to this thread when I need a bit of reassurance. So thank you to everyone who commented x