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Advice for helping a teen who seems depressed? Desperate)-:

7 replies

hilarybella · 13/01/2020 21:22

Hi everyone
My yr 11 daughter hasn't been herself for about three months. We thought it was a moody teenage phase but after Christmas she seemed to fall into depression, characterised by either anger and aggression or curled up on a sofa, bean bag etc weeping silently. We've had a great deal going on with chronic illness in the family but that started a number of years ago. She is an athlete who had to reduce her training considerably after an injury last year and that coincided with her beginning to go downhill, as did a boy being truly horrible to her after dating him for a few months. She has said a number of times that's "something happened" but won't tell me or her dad. She also said she just feels very depressed. Nevertheless she has managed to keep her schoolwork up and is a high achiever- putting much pressure on herself. We are so worried about her. She is on the waiting list for CHaMs and we are in the process of organising therapy through a charity. School are also looking out for her. I am sick with worry for her. Does anyone have any wise advice as to how we can best help her before the therapy starts? I find myself talking to a silent teenager most of the time. And just try to let her know I'm there for her and when she lets me, sit with her and cuddle her. Most of the time though she doesn't.

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Waterandlemonjuice · 13/01/2020 21:27

Year 11 is tough. All you can do is love her, let her know you’re happy to listen if she wants you to and arrange counselling asap if you can. I suspect something has happened with friendships ora boy or social media but she feels she can’t talk to you about it.

This site is useful too, my daughter used it and said it helped. Good luck and I’m sorry your daughter isn’t happy.

meetwo

GetUpAgain · 13/01/2020 21:32

I don't have any decent advice but just sending you a hug. Is there any point suggesting she talk to samaritans or NSPCC do you think?

What does she spend the time doing that used to be filled with sport? Can you engineer a way of filling it/new activity that gets her out into the daylight as much as possible?

Lollypop701 · 13/01/2020 21:45

Just keep telling her you love her. If you can find a way to discuss‘something happened’ it might help. Is she punishing herself over something??? As in
if something bad happened to you, she wouldn’t judge, she’d still love you. Someone being cohersed into doing something isn’t consent, and they are not responsible.
And very basically shit happens and we need to be able to forgive ourselves for bad decisions.
A new activity, a new goal might help... dress making, dance class, ju jitsu, art class anything she has an interest in. Good luck op

hilarybella · 13/01/2020 22:29

I can't thank you all enough for your replies. It is so comforting to hear your words of encouragement and wisdom.

She is still training but prevented from competing and using injured leg, so lots of swimming and abs and arms of steel, and she goes and does her physio exercises whilst her teammates will be doing lunges etc so it's great that she still feels part of the team and it drags her out every day.
I think that's a really interesting point about regret and how we all make bad choices. Wise words. I will pass them on -if she lets me.
can't thank you all enough for posting, it's really helped

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hilarybella · 13/01/2020 22:37

Waterand lemons the meetwo app looks excellent

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NomadNoMore · 13/01/2020 22:46

I found the Young Minds charity very helpful.

hilarybella · 14/01/2020 08:12

Thank you no and nomore (love your name!) I will check that out

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