Feeling depressed and anxious

[lightpinkroses]

I am early 20s. I have had bouts of depression and anxiety but not like this. I am struggling. I finished uni a few months ago and am meant to be job hunting but I find the whole process of applying for jobs really nerve-wracking. The experience has made me realise how low my self-esteem is as I genuinely think I have nothing to offer any potential employers. I am yet to submit any applications because I feel so fragile that a rejection would really kick me when I am down. I am also nervous of interviews as with my low self-esteem I feel like I would be unable to "sell myself". I am even scared of emailing my university tutor for a reference.

I was ok up until Christmas as there were things to do to distract myself with. But ever since the new year I have been really tearful and down. I think knowing I have a full open year ahead with no plans is making me anxious. My days also do not have any structure and I have no energy to prepare meals or go for a walk or anything. It takes all the energy I have to make sure I am showered each day. I also can't speak to people in my life about this as I am such a private person and I know if I begun to speak about how I feel I would burst into tears and I would feel humiliated. That is also why I am reluctant to go to the GP.

I just feel like a shell of myself to how I was this time last year at university.

I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to get myself back on track.

Thank you

Speak to the career's service at your university. Usually they help a few months/years after you have graduated. Many students have these feelings when graduating: It is overwhelming and the rejection (which 99% of us get) feel brutal. One of the problems is that you only see the success of others but you do not see when they have been rejected. One of my friends got the top first in Oxbridge and then got rejected by Princeton for a PhD. He was devastated even though Princeton was not necessarily his first choice and he got lots of other offers.

As a first step you could ask your tutor whether they would be willing to write a reference. It is part of their job and they will say "yes" or they will suggest a colleague should they be on maternity leave, sabbatical etc. (even though many will do it anyway).

Good luck! It really is hard, so just try to do the first steps!

So sorry OP that you are feeling so low. I've suffered intermittently from this horrid illness for some time so I know something about how you are feeling. I think you're being very hard on yourself. Your first para contains almost all of the symptoms of depression and anxiety. Of course you can't do anything like applying for jobs and are feeling scared of interviews and low self esteem. Again it is the depression and anxiety that is causing you to feel this way.

I know you talked of being a private person and not wanting to talk to anyone for fear of crying. I admit it's only best to talk to someone who is an understanding person. and there is nothing wrong in crying.
BUT you really do need to see a GP (book a double appointment) if that's available at your surgery. There is nothing to fear because GPs are quite used to people with dep/anx crying - yes it's another symptom. Two thirds of patients waiting to see a doctor, have mental health problems. It might be best to write down your symptoms in bullet points and give it to the GP or keep it as an aid memoir. Don't apologise for your feelings though most of us do. That's another thing about MH issues they somehow make you feel guilty, it's your own fault and there is something that we should do to stop feeling this way. We don't feel like that when we have a physical illness.

Just read your 2nd para and I could have written that when I have bouts of depression. It saps our energy and motivation and I'm sick of people telling me to go for a walk when it's taken me all my time and energy to get out of bed and go and shower. So please stop beating yourself up, The GP will probably prescribe an anti depressant on a low dose to begin with, Here's another puzzle, different ADs work on different people so you might have to try a few before you get the right one - also they take time to have any affect - about 2/3 weeks.

Do you live alone or with parents - just wondering how much support you're getting You WILL get back on track but it's not going to happen overnight. Please see your GP as a first step,

@Catrin70 Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It was so reassuring especially when you wrote "Of course you can't do anything like applying for jobs and are feeling scared of interviews and low self esteem". I have felt so guilty and empty because of feeling scared to apply for jobs, like a complete failure so just hearing that was really comforting.

I live at home with my family at the moment so I do have people around me but I am very private with my feelings so have not really opened up about this. I will definitely consider seeing my GP though.

I am just finding this so so difficult. There is so much pressure on me to get a job which I know I have to do as I am an adult but it is so difficult when you cannot even muster up the energy to leave the house for a walk.

Hello "pink roses" - it just so happens that my bad days have started but \i'm in a very different position from you. I am 76 and obviously retired and live with my husband who is caring, but it's still horrible.

Sorry to hear you are still struggling but that I'm afraid is the nature of this horrid illness. i wondered . Who is putting pressure on you to get a job, or is it you, thinking you must get a job as you're an adult. Look you have to take it on board that depression sucks the life out of you, and all the things we're supposed to do, talk to people, go for a walk etc. are things that you just can't do, and you can't leave the house. Is there anyone in your family who can have some idea of what you are going through. Can you try talking to your mum or anyone in the family who you think can understand. You could google MIND which is very good at explaining all sorts of mental illnesses all explained in sensible language. You must try to talk to someone I think. And you did say you would make an appointment with your GP so I'd do that asap,

I don't know if funding is an issue - if it is you would need to apply at the local job center - it would be best to go to the GP first so that you could say you are being treated for depression. Sorry you probably know all this. What was your degree - hopefully it will help you get a job once the horrid depression and anxiety go away, which they will. I I know it seems you'll never get better but you will, but please go to the GP. Some surgeries have a nurse who is experienced in mental health and the GP will refer you - the service is free.

Take care and remember this will end at some point. xx