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What's wrong with me?

6 replies

slippermaiden · 13/01/2020 12:20

I have always thought my head isn't quite right. I grew up in a fairly normal household except my relationship with my mother wasn't good. She had mental health problems and was often unkind to me. When I was a teenager I was quite reckless, would try most drugs and did a bit of self harm, crying a lot and feeling alone a lot of the time. Then it all settled down and I got on with life, I have a loving husband and two beautiful healthy children. Recently I have felt like I'm falling apart again, I've been thinking about hurting myself again, the only thing that stops me is that it would make my husband and children so sad. I had an appointment today that I found stressful and burst into tears. This is how I feel most of the time but manage to hide it well. I also have taken on a new role at work and feel so out of my depth, even though my logical head says I can definitely do it. I feel like running away and hiding. I don't know what to do. Should I visit the GP? I don't want to waste their time. Am I depressed? Suffering with anxiety?

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slippermaiden · 13/01/2020 20:57

No one? Threads often go a bit quiet once I post on them but really? Not one reply?

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Lo5tcause · 13/01/2020 21:23

Hi sorry you're feeling like this. Sounds like you've done amazing with your life with DC and dp and holding down a job. It's not normal to grow up with your mum being unkind to you so that's going to have some subconscious effect on you.

I'd say definitely go to your gp reach out for help you wont be wasting anyone's time. Anxiety and depression is hell I'm in the middle of it myself so be kind to yourself.

Can you do something you enjoy to take your mind off things and relax? Really hope you find a way to feel better soon. Yoga has helped me and trying to do cardio but I loose motivation quickly so I know it's not easy.

slippermaiden · 13/01/2020 22:29

Thanks for your reply Lo5t, I do lots of nice things, yoga, horseriding, use the gym with a friend. I have a great life really, and I do have nice times but my overwhelming feeling is I'm not good at stuff and someone else would do it all better. I regularly feel it would be better if I ran away and let everyone have a better time. I feel so embarrassed about going to the dr, even though I know they will have seen plenty of people like me.

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mummymayhem18 · 13/01/2020 22:34

I think you sound a bit down and depressed. Did your GP talk about anti depressants? Did you tell him/her exactly what you've been feeling? What did they say? There is no shame in asking for help. We all need to sometimes.☺️

Strongmummy · 13/01/2020 22:36

This sounds like depression and anxiety and you would absolutely not be wasting the GP’s time. Please go and speak to them

slippermaiden · 13/01/2020 22:55

I haven't been to the Dr before about this. Always just kept plodding along. Thanks for replying, it's hard to talk about with family or friends, I have thought about talking to a friend, but she has her own issues.

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