I don't think I will ever get better

[madcatsforever]

I don't know why I'm posting, or how anyone can help 😢

I've been unwell for a number of years, I've had an eating disorder and several long bouts of severe depression and anxiety. I've tried fluoxetine and escitalopram plus carbemazepine all of which have worked for a period of time and then I've relapsed badly. I'm now on Vortioxetine and lamotrigine.

I've had CBT twice, DBT and EMDR, as well as doing other work around anxiety and self esteem. Each time I do the work, I feel great and each time I'm discharged I feel like I've recovered, then when the relapse hits its worse each time.

The current episode started in August last year, this is the worst episode to date. I'm so anxious I haven't left the house since before Xmas other than medical appointments which cause panic attacks and I need large doses of diazepam just to get out the door. I've spent 3 weeks in a psychiatric hospital due to escalating suicidal thoughts and plans. I see my CPN weekly and once stable the plan is to do more EMDR and CAT, but I don't feel like I'm getting better. I'm not stabilising. I'm stuck in this deep dark hell. I haven't worked in months (signed off) and I miss my life so badly 😭😭

I don't know what to do with myself 😢

I'm sorry you feel so bad , I'm also been having a panic attack since yest tea time and ongoing, I've had cbt therapy and at the time helped me lots but I'm struggling too at the moment , I hope you get the help you need xx

@madcatsforever
What triggered you to feel this way?
Did you have a traumatic childhood or bad relationship? Or another bad experience or life event?

I have severe anxiety and depression. I have tried many things and I always feel like I’m teetering near the edge.... of you know what I mean.
I’ve had CBT and regular counselling none of it really helped.
I just research everything to find out why people did things, or why I have acted that way.

I do Pinterest and pin loads of things.

I also watch lots of YouTube channels to try and understand what the hell went on in my life!
Check out:
Derrick Jaxn
Susan Winter
Richard Grannon
Inner integration

I’m still trying to work it out!

I believe we were put on this planet to love and to learn and if we are going through difficult times we are evolving faster than the others.

I hope you start to feel better.

Thank you both for replying,

I'm not really sure how I ended up here, I had a very traumatic childhood and a long battle with infertility in adulthood which I'm still struggling to come to terms with. I'm not sure how much is related to childhood trauma considering I had no issues well into my 30's and then became ill out of the blue.

I do a lot of reading and use apps and techniques I've learnt in therapy to try to control things yet still I feel like I'm spiralling, I have to see my GP today - if I can get out the house to attend. I haven't slept at all worrying about whether I can get there and all the time worrying that there's nothing she can do anyway 😢

Sending positive thoughts to you both, I hope you both feel much better very soon xx

I hope you make it to your gp today and she helps you , mine also came out of the blue and nothing could prepare you for what lies ahead it is a constant battle with your mind xx