Don’t know why I’m posting on here, looking for someone to talk to I suppose. My HA started after a gallbladder operation a couple of years ago. Before that, I never had these worries, and any aches or pains I would dismiss and put to the back of my mind as any other normal person. After the operation, I had to stay in hospital a bit longer, and all I could think of was how my colleague, similar age to me, had died a couple of months before, when following a fairly routine operation, the doctors discovered a rare type of cancer. She had another operation, but sadly passed away not long after. Young kids and family left behind... it makes me well up just thinking about it! Add to that, my gran died (at a very good age-90, from just being old) and my uncle. So with my gallbladder problems and death happening to people I knew, I just found it all too much an became absolutely obsessed about over analysing every pain, symptom, etc. Just being absolutely paranoid about having some sort of a cancer. Thinking about it, I’ve self diagnosed with symptoms for pancreatic, throat, lung, bowel, colon and other types. The rational me is thinking - well, that’s the thing, 99.9% time any symptoms are just curable illnesses. Rarely, they might find something more sinister. I had therapy, hypnotherapy and antidepressants. It worked for a bit, but after Christmas, it has come back. I suppose I was being idle at home, and had time to pay attention to that back ache, tummy ache....
I have symptoms, all sorts, but nothing solid - back ache that comes and goes, sometimes stabbing chest pain through to the back. Had it this afternoon after a big Sunday lunch. I did my back i after giving birth, so my back has never been the same after that. Sore tummy, but not all the time, not even every day or week, seems to come and go, with weeks or even months in between. Cramps in my stomach, but again, not all the time, have weeks of nothing, then a couple of days of constipation and sore tummy. Was feeling bilious last night, never have before, not for a long time. Tight and heavy chest pain. Painful ribs, sometimes. Was diagnosed with Tietzes syndrome before, but it’s manageable and seems to have gone away. Stabbing pain here there everywhere.... All of the above mentioned symptoms come and go. I have weeks of good healthy feeling of nothing major hurting. Then something happens, one pain triggers another and I go into a complete meltdown!!! I wonder if most of the follow on symptoms are due to stress and anxiety peaking. I did once have a full on panic attack in a supermarket. Head dizzy. Heart pounding. I always thought panic attack would be hyperventilating but mine was the opposite. The world just froze around me, head fuzzy, blurry vision, and I feel it like I was not in charge of my body. I thought I was dying!
I feel idiotic. I’ve been back and forth to doctors before without having any real symptoms to explain apart from breaking down in tears saying I think I have health anxiety. But then part of me is thinking - is that me self diagnosing myself again?? Was even thinking of buying one of those full body scans to check if everything is healthy, but I’m scared to do it in case something is wrong. I do apologise if anyone here has gone through real health issues, I don’t mean to be disrespectful as I understand I am lucky to always have been in fairly good health and probably don’t appreciate the worries some people have had with their health. Last year was good, I changed jobs, as was miserable in my old job, and it really helped. Keeping busy made me completely forget about overthinking my symptoms. The cold weather seems to make it worse too.
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to check my piles. While there, I might go through the list of other worries and maybe ask to be put back on antidepressants. They seemed to help, if still get random pains here and there, but was able to think through it and not dwell on the C word. All I want to do is cry. My girl is a total mummy’s girl, and I get tears in my eyes even thinking about not being around for her or being unable to look after her and see her grow up.
Sorry for rambling on. Just feeling lonely as I don’t think I can talk to anyone about this, I feel so stupid. My mind is racing, one minute I feel positive, other I’m fearing about my back ache and stabbing pain in the chest. When that goes, and it always does go, I’m back infesting about sore tummy and wondering if everything is normal in my colon etc. When that goes, I worry about the pesky cough that seems to have lingered for weeks. If that stops, I start investigating my moles. You get the gist. Just talking about it makes me feeling irrational - I seem to be super tuned to every ache and pain and overanalyse it all and get myself in a tizz. Just want to change and be rational and happy again!