How to stop negative self talk

[Hannah2199]

Struggling with constant negative thoughts. Used to manage this by keeping insanely busy at work but since I've quit my job to be SAHM I'm struggling. Tried keeping busy at home cleaning or walking etc but it gives my mind time to wander.

For example, generally thinking about things that happened years ago, even small non important things I could have done differently going round and round in my head. I would rarely/never get a positive memory come up and find it hard to think of one to focus on. The negative pushes it out. Seems to be subconscious but its making me miserable.

Have thought about trying to exercise but I have a huge anxiety surrounding this and I'm not sure where to start. I think it stems from being bullied in school pe so I did everything I could to avoid it. I tried the gym a few years ago but was suffering from PND and found it was too difficult just to put one foot in front of the other. Yesterday I went to look at what an exercise class entailed with a view to finding a supportive one but it made me feel very uncomfortable, lots of people in rows, nowhere to hide etc. Been feeling quite down and anxious after that so it was definitely triggering. I'm not sure how
to move forward

Hello xxx

I get what you're saying completely.

Maybe try...

Sticking positive affirmations up round your house, such as I am loved, I am a good person etc.

When something nice or positive happens, write it on a scrap of paper and put it in a bowl. On dark days, read them and remember.

When you catch yourself thinking bad thoughts, give yourself a penance by repeating ten times I am a good person etc.

Think about times you observed someone else make a mistake and get over it quickly and easily. It can be done.

Reflect on how these are only thoughts born of anxiety and low self esteem based on negative formative experiences that were not true. These thoughts are not true.

X

Thank you.

I'm finding it so hard because I have kids to look after and be cheerful for but just no energy. Feel stuck in a rut. It's just wierd like I'll be walking and suddenly think about something from years ago that has absolutely no relation to what I'm doing in the present moment. Not sure why my brain gets hung up on this rubbish very frustrating

It's common and can be managed. I think they say it's also a habit....x

Looking for practical ideas please?

I am having counselling at the moment. I have a task to list all of my worries and then spend only 20 mins per day thinking about them instead of 24/7. Could something like this work for you? It’s about breaking the negative thought pattern cycle but it’s hard. Be kind to yourself.

Sorry I meant to add it’s about staying in the moment and not allowing your mind to wander off to your negative thoughts (or in my case worries.) I think this might definitely be worth a try for you. I look at my list after dinner but not too near bedtime so that I’m not too worried to sleep!

Give her a name. Give that witch bitch of a cold arsed cow, that voice in your head- a name. And then when you catch her voice tell her to piss off. Over time she'll develop a voice and eventually you'll tune out of her winey, irritating noise.

For example....
"I bet she declined my call cause I didn't text her back straight away, she probably doesn't even like me, just being my 'friend' cos she...... Piss off Penny you're talking shit, she's just busy."

I found CBT really helpful, even online CBT really challenged me in how much I did this. I basically had a continuous monologue of telling myself I was shit.

Can you break it down into small pieces and challenge each one at a time? So for example I used to call myself stupid names and so I set a habit of calling myself nice names like Darling instead. It sounded really silly to start with but it did make a massive difference that each sentence myself started with Darling instead of Idiot. It's harder to indulge in some negative talk with someone called Darling

Then you might move on to the next thing, for example how much time you spend comparing yourself to someone else. I'd find these thoughts v intrusive and impossible to block so I'd go 'Thank-you for these thoughts but right now I'm thinking about x' - it works better than going 'Don't think about this, don't think about this' because of course then you think about nothing else.

Journalling can also be very powerful - you always did something positive even when you think you didn't. The negative thoughts tend to blot out the positive memories. And then you pick up the diary the following day and see 'Oh yesterday wasn't as bad as I remember' and then 'I went to the gym even though I was really nervous - well that's an achivement' - and it kind of builds.

I’m doing an online cbt course and it is really helping with my anxiety. I’m going to give the voice in my head a name - that’s a great strategy!

That's really helpful thank you. I like the idea of giving the voice a name, and I'll try to limit my time thinking about rubbish where I can. Where did you find the cbt course?

If you're keen to exercise how about looking out for a personal trainer for a few sessions? They aren't all the same and you might find one you are comfortable sharing your situation with ie your goal is mental well being over physical gains. That might make you decide whether you like the gym.

I'd recommend pilates as it is really calming and a good teacher will just have a small group. The nature of pilates is that you dont feel you're having to keep up with the group in the same way as a fitness class.

Sometimes I find keeping busy with craft activities helps keep my anxiety because it requires a load of concentration. I just had a go at some sugar craft from a YouTube video. I also do a bit of crochet and needle felting. Lego models, suduko and puzzles also help. It's like blocking out bad thoughts with deep concentration!