how can I - or should I - raise pnd concerns with my friend?

[crapfriend]

she has a 2-year-old and a 10-month-old, and since the baby was born it's seemed as though she's been having a really tough time and a very limited existence. they don't sleep through, she's exhausted and she seems to feel she can't do things like go shopping with them or have a day out unless someone is with her - she's overwhelmed by it. she hates it if either child cries and is in a constant state of trying to prevent them crying, which leads to her toddler DD getting her own way all the time. I have found it frustrating that when we're out together we are all led by her DD's whims, but i've put it down to the difficulties of having 2 close together. but now I'm starting to feel my friend is barely coping and seems almost on the edge of panic.

recently we did have a tentative conversation about it in which i said you know it is ok if they cry, its what small kids do, you can't expect them to be happy all the time - she said she can't bear it if they're not happy. She also said lack of sleep is making things really hard.

I know I have no idea what its like being her as I only have one who is a good sleeper. DH says I should just be nice and caring and say there there, it will all be fine - but I don't want to be like that if it would just make her feel ignored and patronized. I feel bad because i now think it sounded as if i was criticizing her parenting - in fact i'm just concerned that she is so overwhelmed and needs to relax, but i know that's impossible for her. the youngest is still bf, won't take a bottle and so no one else can take over for a night, not even her DH.

Those who know about pnd - could she have it and is it my business? If I could help by suggesting it, how could I do that most sensitively? Of course she may have it and know about it and be having treatment, but not have told me. Or is this just normal when you have 2 LOs and no sleep? If that's the case, I'd still like to help - but it's so hard to raise these things and not seems to be prying or criticizing.

TIA to anyone with advice - I have to work but will check back later.

btw i'm a regular.

Not a crap friend - a great friend for caring enough to write this post.

Yes, I think you should mention the elephant in the room. If at all posible without the children and in a private place where she can let it all out if necessary. Does she have anyone who can babysit? If so why not cook her a meal at yours when your wee one is sound asleep, pour her a large glass of wine and tell her that you're worried about her.

I would ask her out right if she thinks she may be suffering from PNI if necessary talk a load of crap about knowing someone with similar symptoms....... Suggest she makes an appointment with her GP (if she doesn't go with the pni idea, suggest she sees her GP to see if she needs iron or other supplements to support her whilst she is so exhausted- a good gp will see through this) If possible offer to look after her children whilst she keeps her appointment.

I feel very strongly about this - it was a wonderful friend who first identified PNI in me, and I will always love her for it.