I feel dead inside

[MrsMrsMrsC]

I'm pretty sure it's not normal to wish I wasn't here I don't necessarily mean I'm going to kill myself or anything like this but I just don't want to participate in life. For five days now I've been in bed - eaten only when I have to because I feel hungry sick etc
Ignored the world and slept as much as I can
I stink
I just don't want to do anything
Go anywhere
Talk to anyone
I dread the thought of life
Seriously I know - I don't want to feel like this
But this is how I feel
Yes I take antidepressants
Max doze

Any advice

Ok, so you know yourself that you're not functioning. Can you get yourself an appointment with the GP and ask for further support?

He won't do anything
So it's just a waste of time x

Your sense that seeking further help is a waste of time is part of what depression is about. Please make an appointment with a different GP and show them what you have written here - it will then be clear to them that your treatment is insufficient.

I have been there - it is grim.

All they will suggest is changing Medicine
N talking therapy
It's really useless tbh

When was the last time you felt okay?

Functioned through Christmas n new year
Wasn't ok
I actually don't remember 😂

Maybe you could change doctors?

It is well-known that people respond differently to various drug therapies. It is possible that you have simply not yet found the right one for you.

Do you have any family? Friends? A partner or children?

OP I could have written this. I feel horrendous at the moment. I have great GPs, but what can they realistically do? I'm seeing a psychiatrist at the moment doing an assessment for more therapy - but I didn't even want to engage in that. I forced myself to go, felt worse after, but I know certain types of therapy have helped me in the past.

I have this idea too that a psychiatrist will suggest new meds or a different combo (I'm on a SNRI & a mood stabiliser, tried antipsychotics too) and I'll be fine. But I'm know it doesn't work like that. They diagnosed me with treatment-resistant depression years ago & tbh I feel like they find me fucking exasperating.

I forced myself to shower today & came out. I'm having a coffee on my own, reading MN & writing how I feel in a journal.

The only thing I can say is "baby steps" - I know it sounds patronising, but I've found it helpful.

Is there anything you do enjoy it would like to do? Can you break that down into little steps?

Can you phone the Samaritans? I haven't tried this, but as I've stopped telling anyone how I feel, that might help.

I hope you're ok. I'm sending whatever non-wanky good thoughts I can.