Am I depressed? Not sure what to do. Sorry its long!

[Tapsaff]

Hi everyone,

Looking for some advice as I'm not sure if I'm overreacting.
I can't pin point exactly when this started, just that for the past couple of months these feelings have intensified, and I'm feeling like I'm struggling. Feel like im not really here not participating no motivation
Feel numb, like I can't emote with anyone
Feel useless, not suicidal or harming myself but feel like if I wasn't here no one would notice, Can't concentrate on reading, TV, or work. I'm Not sleeping, if I do sleep I struggle to get out of bed and I don't seem to care about showering and getting dressed and brushing teeth - over Xmas I hardly moved off the couch. I'm teary all the time, sobbing at work, I've lost confidence in myself whereas am normally quite assertive in work. Shrank into myself, can't go on client calls as feel shaky, heart racing, clammy.
I'm worried about health, we're ttc and had abnormal cells on my cervix last year, terrified I don't get pregnant and will have to have a hysterectomy, even though had all clear on last two check ups.
I worry about driving somewhere new, or far, I go through every possible thing that can go wrong and talk myself out of it. I have a fixation with tyre blowouts and lorries crashing into me. There were some break ins over the summer in the area, I'm obsessed with triple checking doors are locked and I panic when I can't get my car parked outside house. For the past week I've had Diorrhea, nervous tummy but no dehydration or temperature.
Sorry this is so long I wrote a list of things I've been feeling and copied it to this. Im sitting here feeling sick about work tomorrow, feel teary and just miserable. There was a change in management over the summer and the culture in work has changed from being supportive to pass the buck, I can't stand it. I don't think work is the only reason I feel like this, but it's definitely not helping.
I'm normally a coper, I just get on with things but I just don't feel like i have the motivation to cope any more. What is this, am I depressed, anxious, stressed?
Thanks, sorry this is so long and garbled!

Hi, firstly and sorry to hear about this.

From what you’re saying that sounds like it could be the case but also sounds like you might be feeling anxious, especially WRT driving, and feeling sick about things that have yet to happen.

I would see about speaking to somebody, I wish you the very best of luck - perhaps you should show your GP this post if you find that you can’t find the words once you’re there, or generally speaking just write them down on your phone notes.

All the best 💚

Hi, sorry to hear you're not feeling great, I'm no expert but sounds like a mix of depression & anxiety.
You should go see your GP asap and possibly get signed off work for a while, as it sounds like you're under a lot of pressure with ttc and your job.
Is there anyone who you can really open up to? Or maybe a local counsellor you could see to talk things through. Sometimes it just really helps to put it out there and get perspectives on your concerns (paying privately is much quicker than via GP)
All the best

Thank you. I feel really overwhelmed by how I'm feeling if that makes sense! Never felt like this before, I've been down before but I've always managed to pull myself out of it, but I feel like i can't shake this and I don't see a point in trying.
I'll try and get an appointment for gp this week, I've made a note of everything on my phone as I find it really difficult to talk about without crying.

@Sisiwawa thank you. I think I have access to counselling through work, I'll double check. I don't want to go off sick I feel so guilty as we're short staffed but I just can't cope with any added pressure, I'm scared it could top me. I will try and go in tomorrow even if its just to give my manager a heads up on how I'm feeling, she's recently been off with stress so I feel I could maybe speak to her. My partners a great support but I feel like im using him as a crutch, I get panicked if he takes the dog out late at night. and I know my mum and sister would be amazing I just haven't told them yet. I feel useless atm.

Tip me I meant to say..

Hey, so sorry you're feeling this way OP. Please book yourself an appt with a GP. I've had bouts of quite overwhelming anxiety and depression in the past, all of which have been temporary, even though they haven't felt that way at the time. Please don't do what I've done and just 'soldiered on', hiding how I was feeling from work, family and friends. Talk - tell people how you're feeling. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to recognise that you're not mentally well at the moment and that it's going to take time for you to recover and get back to feeling like you again. Things can and will get better, hopefully with a combination of medication, talking therapy (if you need it) and self-care.

There are loads of useful resources out there. Here are some to get your started -

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/self-care/

www.mindcharity.co.uk/advice-information/how-to-look-after-your-mental-health/apps-for-wellbeing-and-mental-health/

www.headspace.com/blog/2017/11/04/meditating-with-depression/