My feelings have returned after being unemotional in a schizophrenic bad patch now my bipolar depression seems to be back I feel low I don’t want to take care of myself stopped bathing brushing my hair, want to sleep all the time constantly anxious and paranoid that I’m not doing enough as a mum, that I don’t do enough activities cus I don’t like going out other than to cinema twice a month and restaurant once a week feel like I should do more with my dc but we do inside things a lot we play monopoly once a week and cluedo once a week. We always have meal times at the table together as a family, just feel like I need to go out more with dc. But honestly I really struggle with it not only do I have mental health problems but I have 3 dc with SN and I don’t have a DP a and their dad has only had them one night in the last 3 months. We go on numerous holidays as I love going out on holiday so last year we went to Alton towers 4 times Butlin’s 2 times and Disneyland paris.
I’m trying my best just feel like it’s never ever going to be good enough. I’m anxious at nightie are the doors locked is the cooker off. I worry that I’m just not good enough. The house is always messy no matter how much I clean, wish I were good enough and right now even though I know it’s not really my fault can’t help wondering if I did something wrong to dc to cause DS ADHD DD1 ASD and DD2 epilepsy wondering if it was because I was manic through all three pregnancies did it damage them in some way I don’t know.