I want to die

[Chocolatethief]

I cant cope with my thoughts are to much I have so much going on there is an ongoing police case about something that happened when I was a child and my grandad has terminal cancer I just want it all to be over. I dont even have anyone to turn to my friend so being really off with me and i dont know why but is fine with everyone else

You are not alone.

Please call the Samaritans, they are always there to listen and talk.

I hope you are okay and keeping safe.
Night times are the worst, I struggle to sleep worrying about things too.
Can you put on some music you like to have something on in the background?
Please call the Samaritans, just having someone to talk to and who can listen to you is a good thing.
Please take care xx

Hi, sorry to hear you are having such a horrible time, OP.

What's thoughts are you having?

When you say that you are struggling to keep yourself safe, what do you mean? What do you think you might do?

I have a plan of how to kill myself and the means, I cant ring samaritans as I cant stop crying and they wont be able to tell what I am saying otherwise I would

Samaritans will be used to people calling who aren't able to speak, you could call and just take you time to speak.

116 123 is the number

@Chocolatethief You’ve posted here before and people helped you.
I think you really want people to help you again.
Samaritans will try to understand what you are saying.
People here will also try to understand.

I'm here. I've got the kettle on, so have a virtual with us.

I know night time is difficult but you can do this.

Remember I told you the other night about the MN thread that minds your worries so you can get some sleep? Well it might sound silly but will you let me look after some of yours for the night? Pretend you've left them with me and get some rest? I know it sounds daft but it works in a funny sort of way. It's like you've handed over your problems, however horrible they are, to someone else, just for a bit, and you can get a bit of peace. If you want to, I'll virtually hold all that for you tonight while you sleep. I'm off to bed in a minute myself but I'll take it all upstairs with me

I cross posted with you there. Big hugs, please don't hurt yourself. Call the Samaritans or keep talking here. We are listening.

How are you today @Chocolatethief? Ok I hope

Got some sleep still an absolute mess and have to pretend to be ok as I'm going to my grandparents as it's my grandads birthday new it was on the 6th hadn't realised it was monday though, dont really want to go as I have to act like I'm happy and not sure I can manage it but cant not go and will hate myself more of I dont.

They’ll probably be glad to see you, even if you don’t stay for a long time.

OP, your grandparents will be pleased to see you. I know your grandad is very unwell, but I'm sure neither of them would want you to be feeling so unhappy and would be supportive to you if you felt you could open up to them.

Glad you got some sleep, that’s ok, it’s just how things are right now. You are not a mess!
I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you too, maybe that could be your one thing on Monday you have to do.
I have found before that has helped me. If I write down a weeks worth or just day at a time, 1 thing I have to do each day. And then when that doesn’t feel so hard anymore add another and so on until you don’t have to write down anymore.
I hope this evening is ok for you, is there anything you’re watching on tv/Netflix ect at the moment?