Seeking approval and worrying what others think

[feathermucker]

Does anyone else find they almost 'need' other people's approval before they can make a decision?

E.g. What would person x or person why think if I did this?!

Or worrying what others think?

Anyone?

Yes I've recently got a new job with more responsibility and I'm struggling with the autonomy - I need approval and guidance
No idea what the answer is!!

100% on everything !!!

It's hard, isn't it?!

It's like I think of everyone else, some more than others, before I think of myself.

I've got to an age where I don't seek anyone's approval, it's great! Anxiety is a terrible thing and it's something that did affect me a few years ago but as I've got older I no longer worry about what people think. I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but if they don't like me it's their problem, not mine.

It's a tricky one.

I like to be assertive and am able to when needed but also hope that the other person will validate my decisions, so that I don't have to feel bad or worry that they won't like me anymore. Of course, mostly people don't validate my choices and neither should they.

I am working on ditching the expecting validation bit and on always acting according to my own parameters, confidently and bravely, no matter what. I also try and see things from other people's point of view so I don't end up being inflexible. It's a tricky balance to strike.

Remember OP that people who don't respect your boundaries don't really like you anyway, they like themselves and what they can get out of you, that's my experience.

OP, the story of my life. Therapy got me out the other end.

yes, me constantly. So much so that I will always put others views/wishes/needs etc ahead of my own and it makes me exhausted/miserable/ill
My issues stem from my childhood I know, but I havent been very successful in dealing with them

Yes and I'm currently at the point where I am pissing myself off so much something has to give. I can't believe I'm an adult woman and I still desperately want reassurance over every bloody thing I do. I would recommend therapy too, but get ready for a bumpy ride...

What therapy have people found helped?

The waiting lists round here are ridiculous and private isn't affordable.

What self help therapy have people found useful.

Yes, its incredibly frustrating to live with. Constantly envious of people who have thick skins!

Yes definitely! I’m paranoid due to being bullied at schools. It carries with you. When you’re then verbally attacked as an adult it then further adds to this.
It effects my work, my life everything