Losing friends because of depression please advise :(

[Jkr987]

everytime I have a relapse of depression I seem to realise after I’ve snapped or gotten overly upset at something my friends have done or said that I know shouldn’t have upset me. We are very close and I guess that’s why it happens with them rather than work friends etc. But it is affecting them and making them feel guilty and my depressed mind is telling me just to let them go so I don’t cause anymore hurt for them. I don’t want to make anyone else feel bad, I would rather be miserable alone than know I’m making people I love miserable too. I told them this and they are not listening. They’re saying they want to help, but I can’t, they’ve tried before to help and it always happens again. And they think it’s personal, I think, that it’s about the things they’ve done when it really isn’t and I’ve explained this. None of them have experienced depression (thankfully) so they don’t really understand. No one really knows how bad it is, either. No one asks if I am suicidal and it’s too hard to say it to someone without feeling like an attention seeker. I wish they’d ask just so I could tell them easier. Maybe I am just not cut out for having close friends? Maybe I just need to live a solo life so I can’t keep losing the good friendships. How can I properly tell them this and get them to accept it

Has anyone had a similar experience with friends? I’m really really struggling

Hey JKR987,

You sound like you are having a really hard time. I know I'm not good with friends, especially close ones when I'm bad. No room in my head I think. I have had close friends in the past who seem to cut off their friends when they are low. No contact. Some people don't get it so they loose that friend. I think I would rather have the updates than just be left hanging. I think mental health crisis changes people. The recovery and therapy processes encourage you to look at yourself and change the triggers. If your friends/work/family are triggers perhaps that is an issue to resolve. Plus if people became friends or part of your life when you were ill that might not be healthy for either of you. I'm recently feeling like I have woken up to a couple of situations which aren't good for me so have been gradually putting boundaries in to protect myself. Not cutting contact but vastly reducing the emotional engagement. I did this with my parents at one time when they were triggering much healthier relationship with them now. Friendship and any illness is difficult. You are not alone. I'm lucky as I have always enjoyed my own space.