Partner possibly not taking ADHD or Bipolar medicine

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My partner of just over a year has ADHD and Bipolar. I believe him, as he shows the common traits. So I have no concerns about him lying about this. He says he takes medication for this.

However, in the just over a year we have been together , I have never ever seen him take any medication. I have never even seen any medication. We don't live together, but stay over at each other's houses a lot. And I have packed / unpacked his bags for work trips.

I am going to ask him about it soon, but I'm just looking for some clarity first. As I've said, I do believe he has been formally diagnosed with these conditions. He has spoken openly about it, with other people present. And when I first heard him mention it, the other people around seemed to have already been aware of this. So it definitely wasn't something he was just telling me. Plus as I've said as well, he seems to show these traits somewhat.

Should he be taking medication? Especially for the bipolar? I'm aware that medication is a choice, some people with diagnoses feel they can manage without. And I'm not so worried about the ADHD medication. I'm more concerned about the bipolar. Should someone with bipolar definitely be taking medication? I'm sorry if i sound ignorant, this is not my intention.

I guess I'm feeling a little worried. Apparently the episode he suffered a few years back which lead to him being sanctioned and then diagnosed, was quite severe. And I'm worried if he's not taking medication, then he might have another bad episode in the future.

On another note, I've actually never seen him brush his teeth either!!! But his teeth are perfect, very clean! Simply perfect! And he never has bad breathe!! So now I'm even more confused!!! We've spent a lot of days/nights/mornings together, even several weeks in a row. So it's not as if he just skips a morning here and there. Very confused!!

Can you not just ask him about it? You've been with him a year, you should be able to talk about things by now.

Yes someone with bipolar should be taking medication. If he's open about it (and it sounds like he is) then he should have no qualms about showing you.

My ex has bipolar, he has it out on the side, almost as a visual reminder, because when taken properly it works extremely well. Years ago, when he was first given the medication and it kicked in, he stopped taking it as he 'felt fine' (of course he did, it was doing what it's supposed to do!) Cue massive manic episode lasting months, massive come down resulting in admittance to a psychiatric ward due to threatening suicide. He's taken it every day since.

If he won't show you his medication then that's a massive red flag.

Just ask him, out of curiosity. The more you stew the more it becomes a thing. If he manages it then great!

I know I need to ask him. I know it sounds insane that I haven't asked him yet! But I honestly haven't even thought about it until recently! It never entered my mind until one day I just kinda realized I've never noticed it as one of his morning / night time routines. We are apart for Christmas / New Years now, but I do plan to ask him straight away when we are back together!

He seemed more open to talking about it when we were just friends, and it was in a group setting. I think there might have been 2 occasions where it was brought up. Other than that, since we've been together, we have only ever skimmed on the surface of it. He seems a LOT more shy to talk about it. Does not offer up ANY more details about the episode that led to his diagnosis. From the little bits of info he gave when we were friends, it sounded bad. Really bad.

Hence the medication. And he seemed proud / was advocating for the medication at the time. Which was somewhat of a turn on for me. In the sense that he seemed mature enough to "own" his need for the medication, and not feel embarrassed by it. But then- we get in a relationship, and he doesn't want to talk about it.

The reason we haven't discussed it before is 1) I thought he was taking medication anyways. 2) he suddenly seemed embarrassed about talking about it, every time I tried to bring it up, he basically shut the conversation down.

But the time has come now, we are heading towards being more serious, so I know I need / deserve to know the story, the truth.

I need to be able to make an informed decision about the future of our relationship. I have no issues with someone having bipolar. But I do have an issue with someone not taking medication, when they medically should.

Firstly if he's been diagnosed and was taking medication that doesn't mean that later that mental health diagnosis might have changed. When I worked in mental health it wa quiet common for a person to receive a new diagnosis and then have a change in their medication. For instance sometimes a person would be diagnosed with schizophrenia, then bipolar and borderline personality disorder (now termed mood unstable personality disorder). If his diagnosis changed to a personality disorder diagnosis he might have been weaned off medication under medical supervision. A lot of people find talking treatments and other therapies more effective and so are not taking medication for personality disorder, there are even people who want medication but find their psychiatrist refusea to give them medication as the side effects can be severe and so if the psychiatrist does feel it's needed they will stop prescribing. Some people feel more ashamed of a personality disorder diagnosis and I have come across people who refuse to accept this diagnosis and insist they have their previous diagnosis. This might be what's happened to your DP.

Secondly, some people believe they can they do not need medication for bipolar and seem to live quiet well without it. There's a quiet a debate about if medicating mental health is a good idea and the rights of people with a mental health diagnosis to try to manage their conditions through other means but it's not really well understood even in the professional field.

Other's try for a while as then become unwell again even to the point of being sectioned under the mental health act. You seem to know something about these traits associated with these conditions so you might be able to judge if he needs medication but form what you've said it sounds like he is managing ok.

Thirdly, some medications can be given by depo injections every so many weeks so he might not be taking pills. This most often happens if a person has previously stopped taking the medication (maybe they kept forgetting) then became more unwell and refused to take it and had to be sectioned. It's a way of stopping this happening again. This might again be something he's not proud of so not mentioned. However, depo injections are also used for things like hormonal contraceptives as sometimes people respond better to an injection than tablets so it might just be he didn't think to mention it.

I hope this helps, you get a different perspective. The main thing is to ask and be open to what he has to say rather than judging before he has had time to explain. But it sounds like you are prepared to challenge your preconceptions by exploring the issue first so that's good. Just also be aware that sometimes when people are heading for a mental health crisis and becoming more unwell ditching the medication can be an early step so you are right to be concerned.

@Napmum thank you for your message!

I have never heard of a depo injection instead of pills before, so thank you!

I am certain he doesn't attend any therapy. He has in the past expressed how shit he found it before, and sees it as pointless. So I know he's not getting therapy.

He holds down a stable, good job. And everything in his life seems pretty stable to be honest. Except he can be quite impulsive at times. So i worry a little there.

I also didn't know that your diagnosis could be updated and modified to a personality disorder. Interesting, thank you.

I am definitely going to ask him. We are at the point now where I can't just accept him brushing the topic under the carpet anymore. I do need to know. I need to know what I'm dealing with. I need to know so I can educate myself more on the signs etc and things to look out for. And also so I can learn how best to communicate with him. And then of course, if it's the case that he's not taking medication when he should be, then that's a whole different story.

It's hard to say, it may have been long enough since his manic episode that he is managing without meds, I know one man who had a single manic episode leading to hospitalisation and managed to come off lithium a few years later with no relapse.

In what ways is he impulsive?

Do you know if he has had several episodes or just one? Does he also have episodes of depression?

I understand your fears, but he is a grown man with full capacity to make decisions about his own health. Bipolar meds can be really harsh on your body so he may have made an informed decision not to take them based on a risk benefit analysis.

I think learning about bipolar is a good thing, but be careful not to attribute everything to his illness or try to wrap him in cotton wool.

Maybe he just takes them in the bathroom when he brushes his teeth? And doesn’t want to take them in front of you.

You could just ask him if he is still taking it.

Maybe just ask him for a bit more info on bipolar and with that ask about medication. I take mood stabilisers and have been a life saver to me.