Christmas is rubbish

[goingtoneedabiggercar]

So my doctor thinks I'm suffering from PND. I've been referred for counselling and I've been prescribed antidepressants and sleeping tablets. My first dose was this morning so I don't feel any different yet.
I've tried to explain to DH how I'm feeling and I've tried my best to not take it out on him. Today is my DS's first Christmas and I was really looking forward to it.
So far today DH has made me feel lazy for sleeping in (to 9) after he assured me he didn't mind looking after DS to allow me to sleep. Then made no effort to wrap my gifts, we didn't spend a lot on each other as we have a new baby but it's nice to unwrap a present even if it was just a pair of socks. Then when I came down stairs and commented that the living room was a mess had a go at me for wanting him to tidy it. I didn't, I was just going to get a bin bag and clear things away.
He's now moaned because I got upset and went upstairs and the turkeys gone in late so Christmas dinner will be late etc.
I just don't care, I don't care about any of it, I just wanted to have a nice day where I wasn't upset or irrationally worried about DS. I wouldn't have cared if we ate pot noodles. So now DH is downstairs having Christmas Day with DS while I stay out the way to avoid another argument.
I really don't like Christmas any more and it used to be my favourite.

Hi Op, how did the rest of the day go?
Did you get good pressies?
How are you feeling now x

The rest of the day was rubbish, today hasn't been any better. My 'D'H seems to be hell bent on making me feel worse not better. I just don't know how many more days like this I can get through.

That sounds tough, is he usually like this? Is there anyone else who you can go to for a break?

Just aside note that antidepressants take between 4-8 weeks to work so don't expect too much too soon.

It's great you've got dr support and counselling in the pipeline it's really helpful.

Does your DJ struggle to communicate normally?

You will love Christmas again- depression is just a horrible bastard

I don't know if he's always been like this and I've only just noticed or if it's a new parent thing but having this baby seems to have brought out the worst in him.
Example, he was feeding him and he needed burped, he's going through a phase of crying when we stop him feeding to burp so he thought he'd just rub his tummy instead. I said I thought that would make him sick, he snapped at me that it wouldn't and right on queue baby threw up.
I've also been saying today that I'm worried about him with her extra crying and he seems to have burst a blood vessel in his eye, husband said all day he's fine and it's just my anxiety, so I listened to him. Waits until this time and announces that he probably is ill. I suggest calling 111. He says no, there's no point he's fine so I have another horrible night ahead of me.

And now apparently all I do is tell him he's crap at things.

Just call 111, OP, first and foremost.

Secondly, have you tried telling him exactly how you feel? Pulling no punches, bursting into tears if you feel like it, without apology? Because if not, you should. Your feelings are valid. And, if I were you, I'd also add onto the end of my speech, 'And I'm sorry if you feel 'got at', but so do I. I feel like you expect me to do everything right and throw it in my face whenever I'm not perfect. And we're both tired and we're both stressed but frankly I have it worse. My body just went through a huge trauma, I'm physically and emotionally wrecked and I'm suffering from a diagnosed mental health condition as a result of that. Do you think, just for this short period in our lives, you could stop getting at me and just be fucking supportive?'

Or something along those lines.

Called 111, they're arranging an out of hours appointment. He has small bruises on his chin too. I think they'll think I hurt him because I'm not well but I know we need to go.

Well, it is likely that the bruises will be investigated as your baby is not yet mobile. Tell the truth- he's been with your DH in the main and you didn't see when they emerged. You definitely do need to take him. Good luck, much love hope everything is OK.

They've said it's probably reflux and let us come home again,

Oh good 🙂 Hope you got some sleep.