DS’s father showing early signs of psychosis (Again)

[Treesinthewind]

Hi everyone,
My son’s father (who split up with me in September) has had a series of episodes of paranoia, delusions and suspected psychosis since July. He has never reached the threshold for involuntary treatment and hasn’t engaged with treatment himself as his paranoia means he doesn’t see anything wrong and is suspicious of health professionals. He believes I am spying on him and part of a conspiracy against him. He sees our son for supervised (by me and family) visits, which is what GP and social services have informally advised.
He’s been reasonably civil for the last few weeks but still suspicious and cold towards me.
Yesterday he sent me a message after he had visited that suggested his paranoia is worsening again plus an abusive one. He called the police and reported me so they had to come out and do a welfare check. Then today he’s sent a series of messages begging me to “stop what you’re doing” to our son.

I don’t know his current address or his GP. Who if anyone should I be contacting to raise concerns that his mental health is worsening?

Does he have a named mental health worker?

You can also contact the out of hours crisis team in your area or nhs 111/101 (I can't remember which it is sorrry!)

Crisis team is your best shout

Thanks everyone, I’ve spoken to the crisis team and they’ve added what I’ve told them to his record so that anyone who accessed it has a fuller picture. Not much else I can do 😞

Are you officially separated? If not you are his nearest relative under the MH act and can formally request a MH assessment. This holds slightly more weight than an assessment without a nearest relative triggering it and they can't be as quick to dismiss concerns.

We have just gone through this with a family member and it's no fun believe me and they can still refuse to section/treat but it's worth a shot of you feel it's needed

We were never married and we no longer live together, so guessing I no longer count as nearest relative (though he has no other family in UK). He has now blocked me on WhatsApp so I can’t see if he’s active on his phone. I looked him up on my mum’s phone and he hasn’t been online since Monday lunchtime. I’m guessing he’s turned off his phone as part of his paranoia but I have no way of knowing if he’s ok.

My advice would be to contact the police and ask for a TAG (I think that's what they call it) on your address due to you being the focus of your ex's paranoia, then, if you need to call them even a silent call will recieve an emergency response. I've recently had to do this and they were very supportive. You can also request a mental health assessment, anyone can, or ask for a welfare check by the police if you are concerned for his welfare. Just remember though that he is your ex, and your responsibility is to you and your child, not him.
Sending you a supportive hug.

Oh god how awful for him (and everyone involved tbh!) what a terrible thing to go through - all mental health is bad but I've done a lot of research into schizophrenia, psychosis etc (I'm a psychology student) and it's so scary to feel so afraid and paranoid of everyone! I don't have any advice apart from what others above have said, I really hope this gets better for you but the only way is for him to have proper medical treatment such as medication/counselling. Hope it gets better soon

Thanks everyone. It’s such a sad situation. The main reason for us splitting is his paranoia, but actually it’s helped me to see it was a very unhealthy relationship, so I’m really happy to be out of it. It’s still horrible to think that he’s alone and scared and angry though. I’ve done so much to support him during our 9 year relationship that not even knowing where he is is really bizarre. I’m having a lovely Christmas with my son and lots of family, but can’t stop thinking about him.

Definitely crisis team. Their number should be on their website. Or if you think he's at risk the police can do a welfare check.

My mum has paranoid schizophrenia with psychosis and it's getting worse and worse. She cannot and will not accept she's I'll and needs treatment. Sadly she slips further into her false reality as time passes and it is causing ripples in her neighbourhood as well as in our family.

You were right to get away for both yours and your son's sakes and you are right to keep a distance now. I remember many bizarre things my mum said and did and many accusations and arguments she had with my dad about him poisoning her (literally) and that he was poisoning their children against her. It was awful and her illness has led to me having massive guards up towards everyone and being detached to protect myself.

Hopefully you have now protected your son from similar My children can be frightened/alarmed by things she says so I now have to greatly minimise their contact with her but it's not always totally avoidable which is frustrating as I'm torn.

I'm glad you and your son have had a lovely Christmas

Thanks Scooting Sorry to hear about your experience with your mum. Has she ever had treatment? I think it’s looking increasingly likely my Ex has schizophrenia but I don’t think he’s getting any support at all. My parents and I are finding it really difficult to envisage what our life is going to look like now. Initially it seemed he would be sectioned but he can present very lucidly and is very charming so has always managed to either convince crisis team he’s fine, or at least not a risk to himself or others. It must be so hard having to manage that relationship between her and your children I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas.

With regards treatment, she has been ill since approx the 1980s but no one picked up on it until approx early 2000s. She's had on/off depo injections since then. Initially the injections made her almost zombie like where she had very slow thoughts and movements but it dulled her delusional thoughts so that was a positive.

Each time she came off section (because she fought it continually and as with your ex she presents very eloquently, calmly and is highly intelligent so tribunals were sucked in by her) she stopped having meds until she deteriorated so badly she was again sectioned and the process restarted.

Sadly, this time round the injection appears to be having no effect at all and she was sectioned less than a week after the tribunal deemed her fine to be discharged

There is an oral med which is apparently better but she's never been able to try it as she cannot be trusted to take it without supervision.

It's taken a good few years for her to get to the current state of complete deterioration, but now we feel beyond powerless and when she's not in hospital I get phone calls and messages from her or other agencies (including police) so it's relentless

I don't say this to scare you, but I think it's important to have someone point out how damaging and absorbing someone with this condition can be as you truly need to give yourself permission to step back from the situation.

One thing I've learnt is you have to learn to force MH services to act else you'll get nothing. We've had to learn to use key words where relevant to get our point across and force action and to have bullet points on the specific things that evidence she poses a risk to herself or that her actions are making her vulnerable. So instead of saying we're worried, we have to say we are worried there are safeguarding issues and then list them (this is a key buzzword which reminds agencies they need to think carefully before dismissing what you've raised).

Dealing with MH services is frustrating and infuriating so I feel your pain.

My mum is so focused on my dad still (she's not seen him in at least 4 years) that she thinks he's the mastermind behind all the actions of the other figures of her imagination. She's made false (awful) accusations to neighbours and goes on strange imaginary missions. If dad was still in her life I imagine it would be worse as he'd get lots of hostility and verbal remarks. As your ex is so focused on you I strongly recommend you remove yourself from interactions as much as possible

I don't want to sound too 'doom and gloom' but there are lots of parallels in what you wrote so if I can save you from mistakes we've made and from unnecessary pain then it's worth it

Thank you for your honesty @Scootingthebreeze. Don’t worry about it sounding ‘doom and gloom’- the longer it’s gone on the more I’ve come to accept he’s not going to really get better. We have a family friend who’s a consultant psychiatrist and from the off he warned us that without treatment it was likely that he would keep relapsing until it was permanent 😞
DS has been asking about his dad constantly today, and I have no idea what to say to him. He’s only 3. I’ve just been saying that he’s very busy with work and will see him when he can (which is partially true) and that I know he misses him too. Thank you for your time x

My youngest is the same age as your son. I've told her that grandma's head has a computer inside and that it is a bit broken but they are trying to fix it. I've found this gives her a logical explanation as if something is broken children know if it not used until fixed whereas to a young child the concept of work doesn't meant anything. This may work for you??

A MH worker said the same to us previously about if she went without meds her illness would get worse and worse. I can honestly say this has been the case. I've gone round and round in circles with MH workers who've decided to stop pursuing compulsory treatment arrangements and chosen to wait til she deteriorated enough to be resectioned. Their argument is that she can't just been forcably given med forever and has to be allowed some freedom of choice. My argument is that she gets worse each time and her illness is such that she will never know she's I'll in order to accept the treatment willingly. Might as well bang my head against a wall and we are now in the situation of nothing works.

You sound very switched on and aware so you're doing brilliabtky. Good luck to you

Well it all came to a head (again) today. We had reluctantly decided that the best place for ex to see DC was at my parents house, rather than us freezing in a park. However once he was here he started behaving erratically, making accusations and saying he was going to take DC out on the road on the electric motorbike he’s bought him. He told me to shut up when I asked him not to and then wouldn’t leave. DC got upset and situation was escalating so I called police and they came and asked him to leave. He tried to show them all the ‘evidence’ he has on his phone, but they got the measure of him. Sadly he didn’t meet criteria to have a mental health assessment done. Was very distressing for me and DC seeing him so upset. Have been advised to stop contact as his behaviour will be having impact on DC’s mental health but I feel so sad it has come to this. And worried. He’s not going to take it well.

I'm so sorry you and your son went through that. It's a horrible, sad situation all round