What do you actually say?

[worstofbothworlds]

I've been having a really stressful time with the DCs, work etc etc. I saw a therapist from a work referral a couple of years ago and am on citalopram now but I've been very low and weepy and though I went back to the therapist a few months ago I didn't really feel like I could talk IYSWIM. I would just race through what I had thought of and wouldn't want to bring things up because I didn't see how she could solve them. So then I felt like I was just sitting there, or pretending to be fine like you do when someone asks if you're OK and you actually aren't.
Also, one of my DCs is very needy (which means the other one is more than usual, too) so not only is there that bothering me but I never really know when they will need me and I worry about booking things in case I need to cancel (or I don't want to go because I feel too bad - the other day I was supposed to go to an exercise class but I started getting weepy on the way there so I couldn't bear to go in case people saw me).
I think I need to go back, or find a new therapist, but I'm not sure HOW you actually talk to them!

If you’re feeling nervous, you could try writing on a piece of paper some notes beforehand.

What kind of therapist? She should be asking what you want to get out of therapy at the start to set some goals. She should also be able to describe her approach and how the sessions are expected to go. If you feel like you have nothing to say to her, tell her that. Therapists aren't mind readers.

Ps. "Solving things" isn't what therapists do usually. Again, discuss your expectations with the therapist

I don't think I'm organised enough to work out what I want to get out of it. Maybe not to feel so awful? But then I go in and feel like I have to say I'm OK, or else I am doing OK that day so I don't want to think about how I felt the other days IYSWIM.
Writing it down might help. Being quite overwhelmed means when I'm noticing I'm feeling awful I tend to panic and not feel able to organise writing anything down though.

Its okay. When you are able, note something down. I know about the okay thing. It’s trained into us; “hi there, how are you?” “Oh I’m fine. I just tried to kill myself...”

That's so true...
I spent an hour walking around in the rain and sitting down in the dark crying after failing to go to my exercise class. But I'm FINE.

You could always write points you want to mention beforehand and hand that to them but not all therapists are the same.

I saw three others before I found my current one so match is very important. I just clicked with him and he did his best to put me at ease so talking was easier.

I've filled in an online form for referral via the GP - I may try and find another therapist privately in case that takes ages - but it's a hard thing to get recommendations for.
I got along OK with the previous therapist when I first saw her and it is only when I saw her again that I started to think it wasn't working so I thought that must be me but I guess your needs can change?
It's kind of compounded with the "what do I say to my friends" stuff that also tends to end up as "yeah, I'm fine, thanks".

It's ok, therapists know that 'I'm fine' means 'I'm absolutely not fine'. I would also say to write it all down, I often do that in therapy, I bring along what I've written and try and read it out even though I also just want to say 'I'm ok, let's start talking about you instead..' It's taken me a loooonnnnnng time to break that so just hang in there, it's hard for all of us to open up, especially when we spend our lives pretending things are hunky dorey. Good luck.