I want to die

[LoviisaFuria]

I'm so tired of life. I cant breath and my heart won't stop pounding. My whole life has been shit. Abusive childhood. Married a violent rapist. Escaped after 10 years. Now been with partner 15 years and ended up in a country with no money. Sorry this is garbled. I'm shaking with worry. British embassy won't help. I just want to end it. Can't cope

Hello OP, we are so sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

Don't want to read and run OP - we're here to listen to anything you want to say. Sorry you're going through this

Breathe. Slowly. Listen to your breath, watch and feel your chest moving in and out.

Feel the air moving across your nostrils. Listen to the rhythm of your pulse.

Do this as long and as often as you need to feel calmer.

Talk to someone.

Can you go to a Dr / emergency department if you don't have any friends or family on hand? Can you phone someone?

Thank you for replying. I tried the breathing and it helped a lot thank you. I don't have a doctor and have no one to phone.

We came here after redundancies and debt piled up, dp got a job offer running a friends business. The friend assured us we could live in the house (attached to the job) for at least 20 years. Then out of the blue, a few months ago, he turned up and said he'd sold it all and we had two weeks to get out. We had enough saved to rent a house, but now we are struggling so much. I don't drive and we live very rurally. Only place we could find at such short notice. We can't find jobs. I feel utterly done in. Tired of life. I know many others are so much worse off, then I feel bad about that. All that gives me peace is the thought of going to bed and not waking up.

You sound like a survivor to me who was brave enough to walk away from a shitty relationship and who found happiness with someone else. Yes, now sounds like it's tough, but you've already shown yourself to be brave, you'll find a way through it.

Speak to the Samaritans tonight, and tomorrow book an appointment with your GP.

Things will get better

Op would it help at all to say which country?
Believe it or not, your situation is not unheard of (and the British embassy are very often extremely useless). Perhaps someone on here will have some local knowledge. There was a thread recently about a poster really in the shit abroad.
Loads of people came out of the woodwork with very specific and helpful advice.
It will get better, it will.

Thank you so much. We are from the uk and are now in France. The business dp ran for his friend was eventually registered into dp name but soon after it was sold. So he has paid a bit into the country but when he's looked on the gov website it says we are not entitled to social security. I'm embarrassed to say I'm very uneducated about this sort of thing. Still in bed and don't want to get up. Awful feeling of dread.

Lean on DP - let him know how you feel. This will pass I promise.

Please try to stay in the day rather than panicking / worrying about the future. Is there anything you can do today that's nice? Hot shower or relaxing bath? A nice rural walk? Snuggle up with some blankets and catch up on a box set?

If you take time to be nice to yourself and try to find some enjoyment somewhere it can really make the bigger problems so much easier to deal with.

Op do you have anything of an expat network going on there? I know you’re rural..
But do you know any other English speakers, maybe who’ve been there a bit longer than you?
Don’t worry.
Seriously. I know the stress, have been through something very similar , totally isolated and up shit creek abroad. British embassy made me feel like shit on a shoe in my hour of need , spoke to some über posh lady-who-lunches type whose solutions were only appropriate for millionaires and diplomats. Really in the real world life just isn’t like that. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last... nothing happens in a day, and at this time of year everything drags. If you can do something, anything (even just find someone who’ll read a website with you, help you seek info!) it’ll make you feel a tiny bit better today. Good luck op xxx

Sorry don't know how to reply to individual, but thank you all. I managed to get in touch with my brother. We're not close so it was very degrading, and cried and asked him if he could spare about £50 so we can get some food. He laughed and said you moved out there, sort yourselves out. I felt like a berated child.

Please don't think this is a oh it's Xmas and I have no money post. Xmas is the last of my worries. I really don't care about it.

I'm trying so hard not to panic but all I can think of is what is going to happen to us. How do we pay the rent?

There are no English speakers here. Just our house miles from anywhere.

Hi OP, could you maybe get to a local branch of the Secours Catholique? I don't know if it's the same everywhere, but near where I was there was a branch which was a charity shop but at the same time a drop-in centre for migrants in difficulty. The volunteers spoke English, because some of the people they were helping (Pakiistani or similar, perhaps) spoke English but not much French.

I'm not yet in France full time, but if you start a thread on the mumsnet Living Overseas forum, there may well be people who can advise you. Also, have you joined RIFT on Facebook? They are very good for citizens' rights type advice.

I've never met with one personally, but an assistante sociale is the person who is officially supposed to help you with housing and money advice. You could possibly ask the mairie to put you in touch with somebody.

Sorry for the typos. Also meant to say that I'm sorry you've had such a terrible time and that your brother is being useless. Although the stakes were lower for me, I certainly know that feeling of panic when it all goes wrong and you're in France and don't know the system.

Hi OP you're getting some good practical knowledge already here. Have you posted on the overseas board?

What nice thing can you do for yourself today? Even a shower, deo on, brush teeth and get dressed is a really positive step.

Hi Loviisa, I'm in France. There are networks of British people on Facebook and you will find someone who can help to signpost you to the different sorts of help available.

My husband has complex MH and neurological problems and my adult daughter has had MH problems so I know a bit about MH provision in France.

Are you able to say which département you are in?

Wow thank you all so much. I'm in Ille-et-Vilaine department. Feeling really shaky at the moment and very sick. If I can find a doctor do you think they will help with anxiety? It's all so different here.

Do you have a carte vitale and have you registered with a GP?

Doctors absolutely will offer help with anxiety. They may also be able to signpost you to the CMP which is a free mental health service.

OP, I am so sorry.

The most important thing to tell yourself, out loud even, is this is temporary. This will pass.

The second most important thing, is to make sure your mind is in a good place to be able to do the third most important thing. So see a GP straight away. Phone the Samaritans or other helpline, look at the Mumsnet advice they posted above. Talk, let it out, and secure your mental health.

Third most important thing: make a plan. Get up, shower, brush your teeth, make tea/coffee, find a piece of paper, find a pen, take good deep breaths, sit up straight, and make a plan.

Then come back here and tell us about your plan.

Thank you everyone. Sorry I haven't been back. Struggling.
We tried getting the Carte vitale but they kept loosing paper work over and over so we gave up tbh.

Please don't judge me but I can't speak the language. I've tried to learn but my brain just won't take it in. I'm so pathetic. Weak and pathetic. So how would I communicate with a non English speaking doctor. I feel so overwhelmed with even the smallest thing

Facebook expat groups are very good on things like Carte Vitale problems. They may also be able to recommend a nearby GP. I don't think it should be too hard to find one who speaks some English. A young doctor is vastly more likely to speak English than an older one, or a black doctor may be from one of those African countries where French and English are both spoken. In France it's the old, white and uneducated who are relatively unlikely to speak English.

For language learning, can you get hold of the Michel Thomas audio French course? It's basic, but quite good for people who have trouble learning languages. Even my DD1 has made some progress with it. If learning French seems like too big a challenge at the moment, it's amazing how far you can get with just a pocket dictionary and a phrasebook. That's all I had in the beginning.

You're not pathetic, just stuck in a really difficult situation. Is there a village you can walk to from your house? There must be someone about the place who speaks English. Dutch or Flemish expats and/or second home owners speak English and they are everywhere. Are there any local, free social events open to anyone which you could pop into? I see that you're not exactly in the mood for festive networking (quite understandably) but you just might run across someone who wants to help you. I find the French make pretty excellent good samaritans: I've had people turning up at the house with offers of firewood and Christmas decorations, which was really touching. There's also a shedload of annoying noseyparkers who like to talk to new arrivals just to find out gossip, but even these otherwise useless people could be good for information or introductions. If you even just go for walks you could end up meeting people and talking to them, language skills permitting.

Google translate is an amazing thing - you can just type what you want to say and Google will have a bloody good go at translating it for you.