Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Abusive behaviour

12 replies

isolatedmum · 17/12/2019 06:45

I'm in a situation headed towards desperate now. I have a partner of 8 years and we have children under 5.
My partner has been on citalopram for years and recently was switched to sertraline instead. That didn't work out so he's back on cit. He's always insisted he has OCD. He hasn't been diagnosed and honestly I don't believe it's that. He doesn't really have compulsions, it's more mood swings. There's always been a temper but it was 90% great partner 10% really mean. No physical violence but nasty nasty words.
Over the last year it's been moe like 50% nice and the rest nasty. But since November it's been a different mood for every hour. Mostly bad.
I started back to work in the evenings at this time after maternity leave and he has become a different person. I hate leaving him with the kids, they can feel that he can't cope and also they miss me so they have a miserable night every night. For example, my son started being silly last night so my partner sent me angry messages and accused me of 'fucking everyone at work' completely out of the blue.
This is 2 hours an evening. I need some form of income, I can't just leave my job.
Anyway, my partner says he knows something is going wrong in his head. He's asked me to go with him to a doctor and of course I will, we don't want to lose our family but he's leaving me almost no choice.
Are there people that have overcome these behaviours and found support that helps?
As much as he's being awful it's like it's not him. He's not an inherently nasty person, he was always an amazing dad and that's almost gone too.
I'm not sure what I'm asking. Is there hope? What can I do to help him? He hates what he's doing. I also don't want my kids affected, that's my priority. For now they are largely unaware

OP posts:
isolatedmum · 17/12/2019 06:53

There's obviously a lot more than just the nastiness or I would simply leave. It's such a departure from normal for him and I'm not painting him as just cruel, it's just come so thick and fast.
He's awful with money, awful
He's prone to becoming obsessed with things like a tv channel box thing that takes almost all of his time to 'sort out'
He is annoyed if we distract him from it
He adores the kids and dotes on them but it like he used to.
I'm making him sound terrible but he's not, I want to help him as he's scared and I need to be absolutely sure that we've done what we can to sort our family out. If he had a physical illness I'd support him and it's the same for any possible mental illness.
Side note is that I'm currently being tested for serious health problems and he is having trouble being there for me. He's trying to fake interest though

OP posts:
Hepsibar · 17/12/2019 07:35

How awful for you all and particularly the life chances of your children. Do you have any support from family or agencies? Does he have support from family or agencies?

He is not terrible, you are right, but the impact of his illness on your children cannot be under estimated and also potentially your own health issues.

Are you in contact with agencies? Does the school know? Go with him to the doctor as earlier intervention can really help. Also go to the doctor for yourself and explain issues and impact on you and the children.

My heart goes out to you all.

isolatedmum · 17/12/2019 07:48

Thankyou now I'm crying because you were nice to me
No, no real life support yet. This has really come to a head this last few weeks and he's only admitting now there's something more at play here.
He's text me to ask how I am, I said I didn't sleep particularly well and he said 'why what's up'
Jesus 😔
My working is definitely the trigger but he can't see that my part time job is what pays for everything and I'm not allowed to mention it.
I'll have to call a doctor, I'm dependent on someone having the kids for us though

OP posts:
isolatedmum · 17/12/2019 08:14

Does anyone know what kind of condition could cause this behaviour

OP posts:
isolatedmum · 17/12/2019 09:35

Bumping for any insights at all x

OP posts:
isolatedmum · 17/12/2019 11:49

If anyone has any experience I'd be so grateful. I feel I'm drowning

OP posts:
Nics1977 · 17/12/2019 12:01

Hey, I'm so sorry you are going through this, it sounds awful.

My partner was on citalopram for a year or so and was a complete nightmare! His mood swings were awful and his attitude to life was dangerous. He is a great father but the final straw was when he was driving round with children in the car, at seriously excessive speed (70mph)with no seat belts and encouraging the children to stand up on the back seat! He was emotionally void and literally walked around in his own world. Leaving the children to shower/ bath on their own. He had no sense danger and the was involved in a serious car accident were he had to be cut out- as he was driving at speed!

Some medication simply brings out a whole different side to someone. We decided to seek help and he has since come off the meds, saw a therapist and exercises- to boast his energy levels and help to combat his depression.

This may not be the answer for you but please seek help- together.

isolatedmum · 17/12/2019 12:18

That sounds awful especially for youThanks
I'm glad you have found something that I hope is working for you all.
As much as I'm feeling for my partner I'm so worried about the kids. Not their physical safety but their mental well-being and that's they are seeing me spoken to so badly. I suspect this is why they are playing him up so it's a vicious circle. I'm desperate for the doctor to listen and help.

OP posts:
NicoSom · 17/12/2019 12:57

You are absolutely right to worry abut the children, you wouldnt let a stranger talk to you that way in front of them.

If your doctor doesn't listen, please seek help from another. I think some doctors are quick to give out medication but not dealing with the reason why they need them! Please speak to your partner about seeing a therapist, even while he is still on the medication.

I actually contact the doctor myself and voiced my concerns.

isolatedmum · 17/12/2019 13:20

Thankyou. Yes I'll be calling tomorrow, it's the soonest we can go without the kids with us. So far he's onboard and wants to go but if not I will go alone.
I'm just dreading work tonight, I know it will be endless messages and calls telling me how awful I am and how badly behaved the kids are. I keep bloody crying today, I was so excited for Christmas but that's all gone now. I just want the kids in a happy safe loving home. Ideally with all of us. But if there's no change I'll have to leave somehow

OP posts:
NicoSom · 17/12/2019 14:53

Chin up! You are doing great!

isolatedmum · 17/12/2019 17:27

Well now the moods changed. I'm at work and he's texting me feeling amorous. The highs and lows are draining. And funnily enough I'm not exactly in the mood for sex. Sorry, TMI

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.