Anxiety Support: Fed up of living like this

[daffodilrosedaisy]

I’ve suffered from anxiety for a long time now, and I’m just so fed up of every day things feeling super stressful. It interferes with my daily life, I avoid social situations, public places etc. and generally live a bit of a reclusive life. I wish I was more outgoing and could be more carefree, confident and sociable. Thought perhaps we could have a support thread (sorry if this already exists). So here’s what anxiety is to me:

1. It’s constantly worrying that things won’t go to plan
2. It’s walking down a street and feeling like everyone is staring at you
3. It’s not being able to sit in a public space without feeling on edge
4. It’s finding tiny everyday things like catching a bus really fucking stressful
5. It’s headaches, tummy aches and muscle tension
6. It’s constant self-doubt, second guessing yourself and overthinking absolutely everything
7. It’s a rapid heartbeat and a dry mouth
8. It’s imagining every single way a situation could go wrong
9. It’s being awake at 3am because you can’t stop worrying

10. It’s avoiding the outside world because it’s all too much to handle 11. It’s having a meltdown in the supermarket because there are too many types of bread to choose from - a whole fucking aisle, just for bread 12. It’s full blown, colossal panic attacks 13. It’s anxious dreams and nightmares

Feel free to share your experiences. Would be great to connect with other people who know what this feels like.

I nodded along to every point.

Today I cut my finger and couldn't leave the house on time because it was bleeding all over the shop. I was virtually in tears nearly cancelled my last ever art class because I'd be late and people would stare when I walked in late.

This illness is bollox but we can kick its arse (I hope).

I’ve just been to Ds’ nativity- I didn’t think I would be able to go but I managed to stay, I couldn’t let this stop me from watching him, I am absolutely exhausted now though, my heart is hurting because it has been racing so much and all my muscles ache because I have been so tense.

Today I am numbers 5 6 7 8 10 and 11. I have one hobby which I have absolutely no anxiety around and for 2 hrs a week I feel like a normal person. It is exhausting!

Thanks for your replies everyone. @PurpleFrames I’m so sorry you missed your last art class, I know exactly how you feel - used to always miss uni lectures for the same reason! @Pinkbutterfly79 Well done 💐 I bet your DS was so happy you were there to watch him - crowds can be bloody awful. @loubielou31 Thank goodness for your hobby! I’m glad you get an escape from it all

Yep. I hear you. And I have reluctantly come to the painful conclusion that the only way I can change is by pushing myself through it and going out into the world and basically showing my anxiety...I can't keep hiding at home until I have learnt to 'manage' myself because I am so miserable and resent other people for 'just' living their lives. And it's just not going to vanish one day which I think is what I was hoping for!
3am waking is an absolute bastard though. I hate those nights. That is pure hell.

I suffer from anxiety too and it makes life so difficult doesn’t it? I just want to go back to pre-anxiety day’s and feel normal again. I get so worried about things I should be enjoying such as going out for a meal. I push through thinking if I face my fears I will overcome them but it’s not working yet. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a year now too and that’s not working too well either. Just starting to think this is my life and accept it. I don’t want to. I remember the woman I was who wanted to be the centre of attention and felt unstoppable. Where is she because I really miss her right now!!

@Woollycardi It’s so frustrating - I try so hard to do the age old ‘fake it till you make it’ trick but it’s just exhausting. Stopped to eat something at a service station yesterday driving back from Devon, and I was sat alone and felt SO awkward and self conscious, as if everyone was watching me and judging me. Does anyone else feel more “protected” when they’re with someone else? If I’d had my Mum or friend with me it would have felt like there was a barrier around me in a sense, whereas when I’m by myself I feel exposed and on show and a million times more anxious.

@Dimael I’m so sorry to hear that, and to hear therapy doesn’t seem to be helping you :( I know what you mean, I wish I could go back to more carefree times... (my childhood), and I wish I was more outgoing. It’s crippling sometimes.

I also work from home several days a week which actually doesn’t help things, as I see less and less of the outside world so when I do go out it seems scarier. However my commute is 2 hours so I don’t have the energy/petrol money to combat this by commuting every day. Does anyone else have a “safety net”? Mine is a rigid morning routine including showering every day and doing everything in the same order, and wearing a full face of makeup. If I’ve done that, I feel like it’s a little barrier against the outside world.

It is good you have the flexibility of working from home so you can keep on working even on the bad days. But I agree it could be isolating at times for you.
I get up at the same time and have the same drink and cereal. I leave the house at the same time everyday. That’s about the end of routine for me! Work makes routine difficult.

@daffodilrosedaisy Oh I'm not a fan of 'fake it till I make it either'. I've done that my whole life and that's probably what has contributed most to my anxiety. Now I'm more of a fan of 'I feel like shit, I don't want to leave the house, but I really want to attend this (whatever it is) so I'm doing it as I know I will regret it later if I don't. This approach is also exhausting and I feel exactly like you describe at the service station but I don't want to keep hiding from everything. I also feel the same if I have someone with me but even that has started to piss me off as I am also a really independent person so I also 'make' myself do stuff on my own.
I have a morning routine too, and also sometimes I try and find little 'prompts' to get myself out of my head. At the moment it's Christmas trees, so every time I see one I try and pause with the incessant head crap and take a moment. Stuff like that helps me. It's a slow process though and I constantly doubt it makes any difference which hinders my progress somewhat!

@Dimael Definitely, it helps a lot not to have to go out every single day - I feel really grateful for that.

@Woollycardi That sounds like a really good attitude, you’re so brave! I do try to push myself and move out of my comfort zone sometimes but some situations like crowds I really struggle to handle. The prompts sounds like such a good idea, I’ll give that a go! Thank you for sharing 😊

Hope everyone is feeling okay today... happy hump day x

I have social anxiety disorder. It occurs in specific situations, not all the time. I also don’t really get physical symptoms, mainly it’s a mental shutdown.
I’ve had it in some form or another since I was about 11, I think, when I began secondary school. I also had undiagnosed ASD and ADHD, and I believe the social anxiety stems from that.
I find it hard to make friends. If someone talks to me, if they make the first step, it’s not so bad. I cannot make that first step. I have never had a boyfriend ever. Not even a kiss or a date, let alone sex! I’m not particularly desperate to have one per se, but I just know that if I spot a guy I fancy I won’t be able to talk to them.
In the friendship scenario, anxiety is like this... “you’re too weird”. “You’ll have nothing in common”. Those kinds of comments. There have been people in the past that I’ve wanted to become friends with, but just haven’t been able to do it.
I don’t really remember life pre-anxiety. I have changed and progressed in some ways but not others. It’s weird, sometimes I just go “ugh, life/relationships sound too difficult/complicated, I might as well just live alone with a load of guinea pigs”, and sometimes I can imagine whole scenarios where I meet a lovely guy who’s really understanding and we have a couple of adorable DC. I could well be married with two kids in ten years’ time... but I have to find a bloke and actually TALK to him first...