Where to seek support - husband with Borderline Personality Disorder

[LeaningJowler]

Where to start...

Earlier this year my husband was diagnosed with BPD, at the time he had 6 weeks of CBT counselling, then signed off from the mental health services.

Although he says he’s managed to get his mood swings largely under control, he can’t stop his mind whirring. He just opened up to me that he thinks about suicide daily, not necessarily about ending his life that day, more he can’t seem to find a place in the world and no one would notice if he was missing. His thought process is very black and white.

He needs more help. He’s reluctant to take drugs, he believes these would just numb him and he wouldn’t feel any ups (or downs) of general life. He also feels that as the nhs signed him off earlier this year, there is no where else to go down that route which would provide further useful support.

I feel he is downwards spirally, each low takes him lower. He wants he to be able to talk but, I don’t know what to say. I just don’t see the world how he does. We both need help, but I don’t know where to start.

He is making you ill.

Perhaps it would be wise to accept that a candle can never light up a cave -but it can burn out and be consumed by the darkness.

Borderline personality disorder is not a sickness, it is just who he is.
I know it's a horrible thing to contemplate walking away from someone you love. But be aware that you do have that choice and it doesn't make you a bad person.

He has to take ownership and take the drugs he's offered, ask for more help. He might have bdp but the symptoms you're describing are also depression and anxiety which needs treating.

Collateral damage. Lots of it with BPD. My therapist strongly recommended that no relationship should continue if the person with BPD wasn’t receiving professional support on a regular basis. There is very little a partner or friend can do, as it is never enough. The person with BPD needs to work hard at unraveling their disordered thinking and it’s a fairly constant process until they have figured out what helps. Usually ongoing DBT.
I don’t know anyone who has coped long term in a relationship, if I’m honest. It’s very hard to live with BPD both as a sufferer and someone who cares about a sufferer.

Hi OP,

As someone with BPD.I would firstly recommend this documentary. If you haven't already seen it just to get a better understanding.

The thing is even the best trained therapists will struggle with this disorder. For him to recover he needs to be in treatment. I have been in private psychodynamic therapy for exactly three years tomorrow. It was the hardest but the best thing I did. Most of that was at twice a week, but I didn't pay his normal fee and he saw me at a lower rate. A lot of other therapists will also offer this to students/on lower incomes.

I would also recommend this workbook to learn regulation skills:
www.amazon.co.uk/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1684034582/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1576423583&sr=1-14