Supporting someone who has been through trauma

[rosettesforjill]

A close family member has recently been through an extremely traumatic experience, and while I am in no position to diagnose anything, they have clearly been very deeply affected by it.

They are in the process of seeking professional help, but I would like to be able to support them in whatever way I can. They don't (yet) want to talk about the event itself.

Is there anything beyond "just being there" that I could or should be doing? I love them to pieces and am devastated that they're going through this 😢

Be there. Go and visit lots. It really helps.

I went through a traumatic event and it meant so much to have my mum come and visit me. She was going through her own dark place at the time and it felt like we both needed it.

I can do that. Thank you

People would say to me “let me know if you need anything” which was lovely but I didn’t want to burden people by asking them and didn’t really know what I wanted.
One friend texted me with “when are you free, what would you like to eat, I’ll bring lunch”
Thought this was great

Just a message every so often to say that youre thinking of them means a lot.

Give them back a sense of control over their life. It's so important to feeling safe and secure in the world again.

So don't take over or make decisions for them.

Don't expect them to be or recover in a set way. Every trauma survivor is different.

Offering specific help is definitely better than the generic "let me know..."

Just a text goes a long way, a text that focuses on them though - it hurt when I got texts from friends that would say "sorry I havent text you, I have just been so busy" . It seems silly now, of course everyone is busy but it hurt me a lot to think the world was still revolving when it felt like it was stood still to me.

The best things were when family and friends text me saying "I'll be at yours within half hour" and then theyll show up with food / something to do. My nan was great at actually getting me out the house too, I dont know how she done it but it helped.

Thank you for wanting to support your relative

Thank you all for your advice. I really, really appreciate it. I'm personally feeling so angry that this has happened to them and I want to do what I can to help them get through it!

Be there for the long haul. Even if it's just in a little way. One of the hard parts is when everyone else (seems to) move on with their lives. It takes a few years to pick up the pieces properly. Trauma changes you.