Drowning

[regularuser]

The way I feel right now the only thing stopping me from doing something silly are my children.

I feel so swamped and out of control I don't know what to do. Money is v v tight atm, we are having problems with our rent being paid. We have been fighting hb for over a year now, trying to get them to reinstate payments, and today received a letter saying they have turned down our first appeal, so now we have to go to tribunal. We now owe 18k in back rent, and to be fair to the landlords, they have been trying to help us get hb reinstated, but it's been to no avail. So far they haven't threatened us with eviction, but it looks like this might happen now, as there is no way we could pay back that type of money if the tribunal fails. Hb are using minor details to not pay out, even tho they have said we qualify under the fact we are on Income support for help with the rent. The stress is making me ill, and I have other health problems too. Dh is now on antidepressants, and can't find any regular work that will bring in an income we can afford to live on. Bills seem to be coming in everyday, and the kids need clothing at an ever increasing rate of knots that we can't keep up with. Our sex life has disappeared ,naturally. I feel completely shit about every aspect of myself, and can't see any way out of the mess we are in. I'm trying hard not to let the children see how I am feeling, but have been walking about today in floods of tears, and my youngest one keeps asking me how he can make me happy. The house is a mess because I just don't have the energy, I find it hard to get out of bed and then can't sleep at night. I've been to the doctor, and they are sympathetic, but it isn't helping. I don't want this life anymore.

If you know who I am, please don't let on.

Thanks

So sorry to hear of your distressing situation regularuser (whoever you are and don't worry, I don't have a clue). Are you having some treatment for depression yourself? Because you obviously need some help. I beg you to arrange two things to help yourself and your family - firstly, an appointment at your GP to treat your depression and secondly a chat/appointment with your nearest citizens advice bureau, if you haven't been there already... they WILL be able to advise you on helping sort out your problems with debt particularly.
HTH lmbx

hello regularuser - Im really sorry you've got so much to cope with. Have you thought about seeing the local citizens advice bureau. They can help you get debts organised so that the repayments are reasonable etc.
I really hope you get some help soon.
Kizziex

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} thousands of them

If you qualify why dont they/didnt they pay it initially?
I cant begin to comprehend the stress you must be under.
Getting in touch with cab is a good idea and couldnt you get your MP behind you?

Please have a think about what you would say to someone in your position. To think of 'doing something silly' because of debt, although totally understandable, is not a good option for anyone involved. It will not solve the problem for those left behind, and they would be in a much worse position with no wife and mother in the house to love them.

How much is a human life worth? Or for that matter, not just your life but also the quality of life of your dh and children. £18,000?

This is a very stressful problem, of course. But do not allow it to make you suicidal. Think right down the line. What is the worst case scenario? Eviction? Being re-housed by the council in a B&B?

Not a pleasant prospect, not at all. But not worth ending your life for. You can build your life up again from a position of debt and eviction. Not something anyone would want or choose to do. A wearisome and difficult undertaking. But do-able. Try to think in the long-term. Things that are worth having take time to build.

Take your husband and children by the hands and tell them you love them and that all that matters is that you stay together, wherever you are, through thick and thin, loving each other. Together you can get through this and out the other side into happier times. Sometimes a crisis will bond people together better than an easy life.

Hopefully the tribunal will be in your favour and your worries unfounded. That is my wish for you. But if it isn't, face your fear and make a plan and show your family that love and togetherness make up for a multitude of other comforts lost.

Lots of hugs and wishes for a good result for you xxxx

Hi regularuser, I'm sorry you feel so awful. Debt is depressing, no doubt about it, but it really isn't the end of the world and can be sorted. If all else fails (and not ideal I know) there's bankruptcy if you really absolutely have no chance whatsoever of repaying what you owe. But I wouldn't recommend it and I don't think you're in that category really, I only say it as I want to make you feel that there is something else if everything else does fail, which I'm sure it won't. I hope Custardo comes along with some housing advice, I can't help there but I'll post a link to some great threads about money in a minute. Can you write a list of your debts and prioritise them? Do you want some help doing it? CAT me if so. I do know how overwhelming it can all seem but almost ALL of your creditors will come to an arrangement or write off what you owe them, if you talk to them and explain your situation. Will find threads and post links in a minute. Hang on in there. I don't know how old your kids are but why don't you post a request for clothes, I'm sure lots of us have got stuff in good condition we could clear out and send you. I have if you're interested in 5yo+ boys clothes anyway!

this thread, money, money, money is good and inspiring and there's an enormous money saving thread here

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I don't know anything about social services in the UK, but do want to voice my support. Like www mentioned, lots of us have clothes, if you don't mind people sending you stuff (I have 6 1/2 year old and 3 year old boys) or helping out in whatever way we can.

Wish I could say something helpful.

I guess my one suggestion is that if people find out you need help, let them help you. Most people have needed help in their lives and, speaking for myself as well as a lot of other people, I'm sure, if someone helps you, they don't want repayment but instead are repaying a debt themselves.

Not sure if that makes sense (or is grammatically correct), but just to let you know that you should accept help if and when someone offers.

Just wanted to let you know how concerned I am, and hope that you can find a way out of this. Everyone has given such helpful advice, and I too would urge that you to contact the CAB. They are such a help in cases like this. Please keep posting to let us know how you are.

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regularuser - I haven't been in this situation but can only offer my sympathies, i'm sure that as long as you all have each other it will be ok. It's tough being a mum when you have to put on a front of always being consistently happy etc but try to hold it together for the children and share your worries and anxieties with you dh. It is all in the hands of the hb and you worrying about it continually won't raise £18,000 nor will it help your mental state so, although easier said than done, just let it run its course and have faith that you know that you and your dh will cope with the outcome and be able to build up from that.

regularuser, I'm sorry you are feeling so low (((hugs))) I don't have any experience/advice re: the hassles with HB. Just hope the tribunal finds in your favour.

I really don't have anything to say that could make things better - but your family and those who care about you would fall apart without you. Deep down you know that, it's just so hard to keep going when life is so hard and you feel so bad. I've been in that black hole and it's the worst place in the world.

I wish I could say something that would help...just keep going, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and I hope things get better for you soon.

Thank you for all your replies. I am sorry I can't respond that often, but h is about a lot, and he wouldn't like me posting about this.

I would never ever do anything silly , for hte only reason that I couldn't do it to my kids, which is a good thing, but I admit it is hard not to sometimes, and it isn't just abut the money, but rather it has been the straw that broke the camel's back. I have sat in the bathroom in the past for an hour at a time, trying to find reasons not to end it. It always comes down to my children , so at least I still have perspective on that.

It's a strange set up where we live, the house is in a trust. I can't go into too many details, in case someone recognises me. Originally we were being paid hb, but one of the trustees responsible for collecting the rent moved house, didn't inform us or the hb, and the cheques were not ebing collected. They sat there for months until we got a teelphone call saying it was all suspicious and we needed a grilling at home, which we did. We have complied with everything the hb office asked, but it is the trustee in question who hfailed in everyway to comply. SO now they think there has to be something suspicious because we havent been evicted, and hb have said that would be their ulitmate wish. The landlords are being patient because they know it is the old trustees fault really (he has been removed now), but we are the ones stuck in the middle.

Like I said it isn't just that. There are many other things going on atm, but if I reveal those you would all know who I am immediately, so I can't.

I have been to counsellors, psychiatrists, psycohtherapists, you name it over the years, but they have been no help. Tried about every ad on the market, no help. Am at a loss.

you need to contact shelter. they have fantastic advisors and can sometimes advocate on your behalf. you need to get their number from a website and contact them NOW.

please remember this - you must show willing to pay something off your curent rent plus at least £3.00.

social services are only bound by law to shelter your children NOT YOU. you and your husband may find yourselves on the street with your children in care. there is no statuatory obligation to rehouse you as a family.

however if it does go to court and you start RIGHT NOW paying weekly rent plus £3.00 pw the court will see you are making an effort and therefopre be reluctant to evict a young family.

do you need to change your internet package to pay as you go - get rid of moblie phones, go to the CAB sometimes in some areas is your water bills are over a certain amount they can arrange to clear them as long as you promise to start regular payments from a clean slate.

what are your kids clothes size? am sure we could help between us on mumsnet if your pride doesnt get in the way.

you really need to get to the CAB, contact shelter and see a solicitor. if you are indeed entitled to HB maybe taking them to court may help. but you would need to see a solicitor through a free session first and then maybe apply for whatever the legal aid equivalent is these days.

please use the papers, write write write to housing officers trustees directors newpapers, councillors, mp's.

there is a lot you can do - are you going to do it? if so when? it would be great to get feedback on some of these threads

best of luck

Hi. Just wondering how you are today. Have been thinking about you.

Hi miam, thanks for remembering me. I feel slightly better today. We spoke to one of the trustees of the house, and also their solicitor. They are pretty adamant that they are not going to turf us out, and that they pretty much hold the former trustee responsible for this mess, which has helped calm me down a bit. They didn't use those exact words, but more or less said this person got us into the mess so they are going to make sure he sorts it out. I have other non financial things going on in my life atm as well, but if I disclosed those I would be instantly recognisable, and I don't want that , so can't really divulge anymore. It's a huge relief to know that we are not facing imminent eviction though, especially as it was not of our doing. We have enough day to day battles going on atm, so this really felt like the straw breaking my back iyswim. I will know more as the weeks progress. But thank you ALL for your info support and help.

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So pleased for you - what a huge relief! Keep posting to let us know how it is going - it does help. I do agree with Essbee, it does help to 'come out' for some reason. It makes all the support you receive that little bit more personal, but ofcoarse if you dont feel you can, dont worry. Hope today goes well for you. Hugs.

That's good news, regularuser, I have been thinking about you too. I hope it helps ease the burden a little - hang on in there (((HUGS)))

reluglaruser, I don't know who you are but I have been reading your thread and am so glad that eviction is now one less thing to worry about. Just a piece of news like that can make a lot of difference - hope you keep finding strength to hang on in there, waiting till the next better day.