Finally plucked up the courage to make a dre's appt but not sure what to even say to them

[WolfOfOdin]

I'm about 99% sure I have some sort of personality disorder. Possibly borderline. I have no control over my emotions whatsoever, I dont just get upset I get beyond raging. I dont just get jealous I feel genuinely suicidal at the thought my husband might leave me for somebody "normal" and try everything possible to prevent it happening. The slightest criticism makes me cry and feel I'm not good enough.

I have panic attacks but I've been on sertraline for 12 months which helps a little.

I had to take time off work last week because I had pretty much a nervous breakdown over my husband going on a night out. This isnt normal. It's not rational. I know this. I know I sound pathetic but it's like I literally can not help myself.

Then occasionally my mood does a complete 360 and I become convinced I'm the best thing since sliced bread. I crave an adrenalin rush and want to do things that usually scare me (during there times I convince myself I'm going to go paragliding) I convince myself I'm untouchable and everyone loves me.

I feel happy in those times, I become obsessed with death and weird paranormal stuff and life and nature and loud music.

But the down times, I can barely drag myself out of bed, I think everyone would be better off if I wasnt here anymore. And i cant cope with it

Sorry for rambling if anyone has actually read this, I dont know what to say when I go to the doctors (they cant see me til next wednesday)

I'm just so fucking fed up, my marriage is on the rocks due to my unreasonable and downright crazy behaviour and I'm terrified doctors will think I'm attention seeking

I just want help

Show them your post.

I'm just really worried and I dont know why, will they judge me? Think I'm attention seeking? Section me?

I'm just scared but desperately need help

Write it down and read or hand it over.

Not a bad idea

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I think it is good to show them your post if you think you won't be able to tell them your story. A professional knows the difference between a cry for help and attention seeking.

Please be kind to yourself as you wait for your appointment. Let your DH know that you recognize that your reactions are off and you are trying to seek help because your relationship matters to you. I hope you get the help you need. Take care.

Hey wolf,

Like the others have said, write everything down, or even show them what you have written here. It reads coherently and clearly shows the extreme responses you are having to what should regular experiences / situations. You've taken the first step, you know that somethings not right and you want things to change. Try to visualise what it is you want to say first and then if you lose your train of thought show then your notes. Remember the doctor is there to provide care and will take you seriously, so try not to over think their response.

Honestly? I think screen shotting your OP and showing it to them, or printing it out and handing it over, would be fine. It's an easy way of getting a lot of information over quickly.

I would expect to be asked some questions about how long this has been happening, and how long the happy times last and how often they are. If it is something you feel comfortable doing you could ask your dh to accompany you, he might be able to add some further information.

It's quite likely the doctor will ask (in some way) what you want the outcome of the appointment to be. I would suggest asking for a psychiatric referral for a full assessment, and possibly a meds review with a psychiatrist. It may be worth googling "adult psychiatric services NHS + your area" to try to get an idea of what is available locally to you. Each service will have referral criteria - it's worth reading them to figure out where is the best place for you to be.

In the event that the GP refers you on, ask
a) what the wait time is likely to be. If they don't give you a straight answer (tbf, wait times vary and they won't know exactly), ask them to ballpark it in terms of two weeks, six months, two years?
b) ask them who you can call if things get difficult between now and the appointment.

Good luck.

will they judge me? Think I'm attention seeking? Section me?

If they judge you they're in the wrong job. They won't section you for anything you have described in your OP. You're actively seeking help, for one thing. It also sounds like you have good insight into what is going on. The bar for depriving a person of their liberty is set high.

Thank you so much for your kind replies, I admit they have made me cry.

I'm going to write down what I have put in this post and give it to them.

The outcome I want? I think I need to be assessed then if diagnosed with something I can get the correct help. This has been slowly but surely escalating over a period of years but I'm officially at breaking point, and twice now in the space of 5 months I've felt genuinely suicidal, I've never had that before in the past. It's just getting too much now

Good luck with it all

Maybe bi- polar

I considered bipolar disorder because I think I sometimes fit the criteria for "mania" however it's the agonising and persistent fear of abandonment and rejection that makes me think borderline personality disorder. I just dont know, it could be either or it could be neither, maybe I'm just extremely messed up

You're not messed up. Your brain is just not working as it should (and there could be any number of reasons why that is) there is nothing to be gained from beating yourself up and continually trying to self diagnose as all that is likely to achieve is a spiral into negative despair. Easier said than done, I know. You've made the appointment, take it one step and a day at a time, plan something kind for yourself each day and take good care of yourself.