Rage

[Lowryn]

I am so angry today.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I just want to scream. Little things, like losing the battery cover on something, my DD whinging and just my DH's face make me want to shout.
I have screamed at DD who is blubbing in the living room, but I feel too angry to go in and apologise yet.
I know that I am stressed/depressed at the moment, but I wasn't expecting to have all this anger and resentment bubbling under the surface.
If I didn't have any self control I think I would smack DD or tell DH to go fuck off.
Help

Don't go mad at me if you're not but...are you hormonal? I get like this when I am...

oooh, Lowryn, big big sympathies. Sorry, haven't caught up with anything else you might have said about this, but there are many, many times I have felt like this myself. In my case it was depression - I didn't realise - but whatever, now, what will help you? Step outside and breathe? Have shower? A cold drink? Give your whole body a little shake and consciously relax - then go and cuddle DD - you don't need blubbing noise right now.

I don't know. I am breastfeeding and DS is 5 months now. I guess I have the bf hormones, but since no period - I don't know if it counts?

Of course it counts. That soon after giving birth many of us have our hormones in turmoil. I certainly did.

I really don't want to sound like a man on this though! It's just that when I realise I am hormonal I know I can have a good rant and a good cry and I don't have to bother searching around for the reasons.

I'm not allowed to be hormonal. DH has little sympathy for this.
Mind you, I'm not allowed to be stressed or depressed as his problems are worse than mine
Bollocks!
Sorry, some of the anger and resentment popping out. Grrrrrr!

Lowryn, when my dd was just a few weeks old and I felt that I wanted to scream, I did! I went down to the bottom of the garden and yelled my head off. The neighbours all thought I was mad (although none of them asked what the problem was!) but it got rid of the tension and stress that I was feeling at the time. Have you seen a doctor about your depression?

If you have dd at home and you have a 5 month old that you are breastfeeding, it's no wonder you are stressed out. I bet life is very tough for you right now.

It's possible you could be clinically depressed (it's only 5 months since you gave birth and PND is supposed to be able to appear within first 12 months isn't it?) or could it just be one of those days where you just feel mad? I know there is no explanation but I have those and I feel like the mother from hell, a complete witch who can do nothing but should and get annoyed at everyone. Sometimes I feel like running out of the house and down the road not looking back!!

I know, I'm a drama queen, but it can get on top of you. Do you feel like this all the time or just today?

Oops, should say 'nothing but shout' (and believe me, I SHOOOOUT)

Probably am depressed, but doubt it's PND. In fact DS is the only thing that keeps me from running the car into a tree.
Home troubles include eviction notice, debt, no income, useless DH, no help, council refusing us help and failing credit checks for private rental...God I am such a moaning minnie.

DD and I have hugged and made up. DS is grumpy now! He chewed one of DD's pictures and has blue pen round his mouth. DH will take one look, and say Oh, I bet you were on mumsnet when that happened eh?

god Lowryn sounds like you have such a lot to deal with atm. have you been to the docs about depression - meds and/or counselling may help you cope with things a bit better. The housing situation sounds a right nightmare. Maybe if you post something specifically on that - a few people on MN have had battles to get council housing. It just doesn't sound right if you are being evicted that the council aren't offering you help. also have you spoken to the CAB about debt/benefits/housing - they have a very good reputation on such matters. Is DH getting any help for his depression?

Bloody hell - you are certainly not a moaning minnie, lowryn, those are all very valid reasons to feel anxious - let alone a 5 month old baby.

Who had a really good thread recently about getting out of debt in a 'handleable' way? Lots of knowledge about the amount you can pay each week (£3?0 which means they can't evict you?

Anyone remember?

Honey, a five month old IME is enough to drive one bananas. Add the other things in...good grief, woman, all my sympathies!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

custardo i think posted on that, and fairyfly as well - I think they were on the ohdear health thread and on the support for essbee thread IIRC

thank you everyone. I am seeing CAB next week, and DH is at the council offices at the moment.
DH won't see anyone and refuses to accept that he might be depressed. He thinks that anti depressants are dangerous and wouldn't like me to take them either.
Some days are okay, others are scary. Yesterday was an okay day but I was feeling so down about not being able to buy my children clothes. DD needs shoes for winter etc etc. I get sick of waking up and staring at my closet too!

Anyway, must go and take DD to mother and toddlers. Put on my happy face blah blah blah

Lowryn - if you feel willing to take ADs tho, then that is your business not his. If you don't think ADs are for you, fair enough. If you want more info about ADs just ask; but even if you don't want to take ADs there are other things to help depression; being referred to see a counsellor/psychotherapist, going out, even if its just to the paper shop by yourself in the fresh air, getting break/chance to socialise, eating and sleeping as well as you can, yoga/relaxation.

Lowryn, you can't take control of your dh's depression but you can take control of your own. IMO untreated depression is far more dangerous than taking anti-depressants would be, and if you feel that you need to take them then that is your decision alone. MTS is right that there are many forms of treatment for depression other than ads - some people exercise or go for a walk, others use herbal remedies such as St John's Wort, and there are other therapies that your doctor can refer you for if you don't want to take ads.