Hoping to get some insight from anyone who has taken anti depressants.
I've been depressed on and off for my whole life, but never to the point that it's stopped me living my life, and I tend to just push through it knowing that it'll pass. I was very depressed when I was a teenager and then mostly fine during my twenties, but now I'm in my thirties I've been pretty low on and off for the last three years or so.
I just feel quite 'flat' mostly. Not overwhelmed and rarely tearful, just...not excited by anything, and feel uninspired by the future. I can pinpoint some reasons why - bored by my job, not seeing friends much anymore, and another main reason is that I don't want kids, but feel like everyone else is having them. I think I'm having a bit of an existential crisis - I've got to my thirties and have the husband, the job and the house, but I'm not happy, and I all I feel is cynical, bored and hopeless. I've not felt suicidal, but I have had some feelings that have scared me a bit (i.e. if I got run over this morning I wouldn't care)
I've started having some private counselling, but I've not found that's made a difference to my general mood yet. I've always been very reluctant to take anti depressants because I just generally don't like taking drugs and the side effects and thought of altering my mind really scares me, but I do keep wondering whether maybe I should consider them. My main worry is whether they would just make me feel even more flat though - I understand that many of them 'level out' your mood. The other thing is that I don't always feel low. I have days where I feel absolutely fine. I've talked to my doctor who hasn't been much help.
Sorry for the ramblely post. I guess I'm just asking what other people have found. Do they make you feel less emotional or do they actually uplift your mood?