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Stressed due to other people's stress

7 replies

9ofpentangles · 04/12/2019 11:43

How can I stress bust this?

Firstly, DS10 has started to resist school and so, every morning, it is a struggle to send him in and I feel bad that he is so miserable. He says it's down to friendship dynamics changing but not bullying and that he doesn't like his new teacher because she gives too much work and keeps them back if the work isn't finished or some children are causing trouble. I have tried to resolve it with the school and the teacher has tried talking to him but, so far, we haven't really got anywhere.

Secondly, at work, I am working alongside stressed out managers, stressed out colleagues and stressed out customers. I am tired of being blamed for things that I cannot control and being snapped at because of other people's frustrations. I am also fed up with the unsociable hours and the fact that I have to work over Christmas. I am looking to go freelance but most of the work I've found hasn't been the right fit(i.e. not quite qualified) or I haven't managed to secure. Full time is out of the question because, along with 2 children, I also have an eldery mother who is quite ill and needs to be accompanied to appointments and me to pop in and see she's OK.

To top it all, my DD is in GCSE year and struggles with her work and gets so angry and frustrated with it all that she breaks things deliberately - some of which are expensive to replace. We do issue consequences and she knows it's wrong BUT it doesn't prevent her in the heat of the moment. She has had CAMHS input and was on the ADHD pathway but did not meet the criteria for a diagnosis.

Thirdly, my DH comes in and is an absolute dick and will moan about the most trivial things in the house - a pair of shoes in the hallway or a door left open - and, when challenged quite vociferously, backs down and says it's because he's stressed.

I think I'd be OK if I went to live on an island somewhere!

OP posts:
Anon3699 · 04/12/2019 11:57

Can I come with you please? Was seriously wondering if I could escape somewhere alone for a few days only this morning for similar reasons - too many people for me to worry about. Disabled, isolated mum, moody teenage children, best friend just dumped by husband, sister lost her job recently....I would be fine if I didn't take on everyone else's woes, I just don't know how not to! Perhaps someone wise and chilled will come and advise us...

Rachel438 · 04/12/2019 12:01

@9ofpentangles hugs for you as that all sounds very difficult. Don't have any advice but you do have my empathy

GoldfishGirl · 04/12/2019 12:24

You have my sympathies. I don't have answers just some random contributions.

  1. It sounds like the whole family struggle with stress and letting off steam so could you make this into a thing? So today, we all as a family are going off together to have some fun. Do silly things and keep it all upbeat.
  1. Can you reduce anything anywhere in your load? Getting food delivered for DM sometimes? I feel like putting in place some strategies for the stressed out managers/colleagues would help, not sure how you do that. Also DH needs to help more.
  1. My ADHD Coach suggested making check lists for things. I now have them stuck around the place.
9ofpentangles · 04/12/2019 12:33

Thanks, yes , these are good suggestions. I think just some time out would be great. With Xmas coming up, it is a question of time, too - and cash but it needn't be expensive.

Dm does get her food delivered. She does need more support, though - such as a cleaner or home help. She is not under social services yet but is under the doctor for early signs of dementia. We have also appplied for a blue badge and a higher rate of attendance allowance.

I think I really need to let things slide with dh and throw the ball back in his court. I try to do too much. If I don't do it, he will have to step up.

I like the idea of checklists . Is that for you or your kids? I have one for me. I can't remember anything these days!

OP posts:
9ofpentangles · 04/12/2019 12:39

Re stressed out colleague, i did find myself escalating something to the manager quite spur of the moment as she had been making quite a few digs and I just snapped and I ended up asking for his back up there and then, which I surprisingly got. Sheis known to be difficult.

Another manager tried to overload me with work that should have been done the previous day and was quite rude about it andwhen I arrived asking for instruction rethe day so I just told him he'd have to get someone else to do it, at which he looked quitee surprised and started stuttering and did get me help all day.

I suppose I am quite capable of being assertive when I need to be but I do feel I am battling things that should obviously not be happening

OP posts:
HeavilyCaffeinatedHannah · 05/12/2019 05:54

I'm currently also surrounded by stressed out people, and am also kind of struggling not to let it weigh in me. I like the suggestions on this thread. I find a bit of me-time helps too - even if only an hour in the bath with the door locked.

9ofpentangles · 05/12/2019 09:46

I had a day off yesterday and am going in late today. It has done me the world of good, although I have a stinker of a cold now

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