They have given up on me, why shouldn't I give up on myself

[PurpleFrames]

This week I got discharged from mental health services, they feel I am too depressed/negative to engage in therapy. I feel so desperately unhappy. If they say I can't be helped how on earth can I believe in myself?...

Can anyone advise? Do you know any charities that offer therapy?
Should I just pack it in and lie in bed all day waiting to get better

As to not drip feed
I entered into a assessment with pyscologyical services and it's following this that they've discharged me.
I've been diagnosed with a serious and enduring mental illness but I disagree with my diagnosis.
I also have self harm issues which they feel is another barrier to getting help.

They said I was too depressed for therapy to work on me
An example given was did I have hope in the treatment? My response I believe in the treatments but I'm not sure I can get better as I have been ill for so long.

I attend all appointments, do all exercises and homework. I am not lazy in my approach to getting well and do many other well-being activities.

A certain type of therapy was mentioned but I would have to be willing to 'give up' self harm to start it. I am not going to do that until I am making progress to getting well surely?

I'm sorry they are being so shitty

I do dbt, as part of it I had to sign an agreement I wouldnt self harm.
I'm in Canada, so maybe your process is different

What diagnosis do you think you have?
I have been diagnosed as having general anxiety, borderline, bipolar, narcistic personality and schitzoaffective in different occasions.
The treatment has been loads of meds.

Services giving up on you meaning you should give up on yourself does not follow. There are ways around the predicament you are in but you might need to be a bit creative with resources. Lying in bet waiting to feel better can work but I would not recommend it based on experience.

Do you have a sense of which bit of what is going on you might want to address first? e.g. if you are not feeling urgent about the self harm which direction do you think you matters to you most?

Assuming your diagnosis is borderline personality disorder ?

What is affecting my life the most is the treatment resistant depression, feeling low, lacking motivation to deal with the constant battle for support. Intrusive suicidal thoughts.. and so on.

I'm so sorry you're going through this Purple. Because mental health is so underfunded they have to find ways to kick people off their lists, and that generally involves blaming the patient.

I'm fortunate to have an excellent psychiatrist now, she's one of the few that will be honest, and I know the ridiculous wait between appointments is because she's so overstretched. But my past experiences have been like an abusive relationship, where they draw you in then twist everything you say to make you the bad one.

You're not the bad one. Unfortunately you don't tick the right boxes to get the help that they offer.

Have you contacted MIND? They may be able t give you some support or advice.

Mrs Maisie
Wow that is actually so relatable.
I feel like they gaslight you- promise something and then say... what? We never said that? Each person says a different thing. Some people are incredibly cruel. I was told once it was for the best my baby died as I wouldn't be able to parent with my mental health as it is. It's made me upset just recalling that. Tbh inpatient was much worse.

I have had come into contact with some fabulous workers but in all honesty I wouldn't say they are the majority.

June
Yes I have and as I'm not under compulsory treatment or in hospital in my area they cannot offer support.

Your partner violently caused the miscarriage. There is nothing about that that was “for the best”.

You aren’t being denied help. You have a choice here. You can choose to try and stop self harming and find better coping mechanisms. It’s not easy. Of course it isn’t. But trying to make healthier choices can be part of the path to recovery.

Wolfie
As I have said before I have extended myself incredibly to access the services so far. I have tried many suggested coping mechanisms. Some of them had some impact, some had none at all. Giving up something that is a symptom of my illness is not a choice I can't be bothered to put the effort into making.

Cake
thank you

If you can’t be bothered then you can understand why they say you won’t engage. It’s bloody difficult but it needs to be done. Not the same but if you were using alcohol as a coping mechanism they would want to tackle that too.

I started dbt course when I was inpatient. It really concentrated first to other coping strategies than self harm. Later on I continued on the outpatient group where other topics were discussed. I haven't self harmed since.

Our cmht offers group therapy for borderlines. It goes for two years. Does your trust offer this?

I haven't been offered Dbt. From what I have read on theNICE website I don't think it is in the pathway for treating my condition.

What's your condition?

What is your diagnosis? No mentol label is nice. What meds are you on? As for the cmht they have to follow the script if your symptoms match a name that is what they will say. Have you tried cbt? Have you got a mh nurse you can phone? Whatever you do you need to avoid being sectioned as that is disastrous. Phone up your gp ask when your gp is coming back and book an appointment.

I'd prefer to not state my diagnosis in a public forum. It has not been mentioned so far anyway. I have been in mental health acute wards so I have no desire to eve go back!!

I have done cbt in my youth, I was told this time around that it is not suitable for my thinking style.

I have a PT keyworker (who is non medical) that I currently see for up to 30mins every 2-3weeks.

Hey @PurpleFrames How are you doing?

What jumped out at me from your post is that you have tried many suggested coping mechanisms, and some of them had some impact, some had none at all. I admire this. Someone had to point out to me that trying what was suggested and figuring out what worked and leaving the rest was better than the "nothing is ever gonna help" / reject everything at the outset mindset which it was easy to get into. It also helped because some suggestions went on to help later so it was good to know about them even if they seemed bananas at the time they were made.

The thing about services have given up on you therefore why shouldn't you is a red herring. Services are not available (thanks, austerity), which is not related to your worth. It is really shit, the retraumatising (as you described gaslighting) nature of the MH system at the moment but it is (IMO) largely based on underfunding. It wasn't always like this, 10-15y ago things were ... different. There are a lot of us in the same boat as you.

Improving the situation can happen, it's bloody hard though. Do you want suggestions? It's fine if you just want an empathetic ear

Hi Erina
I am doing better than the day I first posted this- thank you x

I am open to suggestions I don't want to come across as combative I do just feel like I've tried everything going!

When I was well, I used to work in a similar profession which I thought would help me navigate the system. Actually I think it has bought me more contempt from some people like I should know better or something..

Thanks

Hey 👋🏼 Apologies it took me a couple of days to get back to this. My brain is not working that well right now but I do have a bunch of suggestions. Do you mind if I DM you? (Some people mind that and others are not bothered.)

Hello again
That's fine by me- I use the App so don't get message notifications but check the web version every now and then to pick up what I've missed. Thank you