What's wrong with me? I don't love anyone anymore?

[craftymammaoftwo]

Please bare with me this is so very difficult for me to write... Try not to judge me

A revelation hit me like a lorry today while I was out with my boys - I don't feel love for anyone any more... and I mean ANYONE - my husband, parents, family, friends and more shockingly my children. I CARE about many people but I can't actually remember the last time I felt LOVE. I used to - I remember the wonderful feeling I used to feel around my kids - my husband and other people I loved. The surge of emotion that would make me want to burst just by looking at my boys was the best in the world... Im disgusted and heartbroken to say I can't remember the last time I felt that real love for my own beautiful children. They're only 4 & 2 I should be feeling so much more than I am... I kind of feel hollow

I've struggled with my own happiness since DS2 was born but I can't believe what I'm feeling - or rather not feeling now.

Can anyone else relate? How do I get back to before I don't want to feel this way forever.

Sorry if this sounds silly or awful of me to say I can't feel worse about myself than I already do

Don't feel disgusted my love, it sounds like depression. Did you have PND after your 2nd son?

Please see your GP as soon as you can get an appointment, the previous poster is spot on, you are describing depression and there is help out there

Your words remind me of a seemingly depressed song I heard on You Tube called 'I Hate Love' by Maxi Jeffs. Although you didn't say that you actually hate love, the lyric went something like this, "I hate love, cos it only let's me down".

Is that it? Has your confidence been knocked? Did you know someone who arrived at the end of their life and seemingly lose everything - including their memories etc?

I wonder if you have arrived at a point where you are wondering why we strive only to have life inflict a cruel blow upon us?

It could be that you are stuck on love, because at this stage, feelings ot thoughts from the past, are now arising and challenging your hopes for the future?

Or maybe it's this ... has someone or something caused you to doubt your abilities as a mother? Do you feel as if you are not good enough?

A psychodynamic therapy by a highly experienced therapist will help you work through any conscious or unconscious thoughts or beliefs. Whatever happens, don't by sidelined by your GP into having CBT, or you may be left with a temporary improvement but the underlying problem will not have been addressed.

I feel that you do need time with an attuned and dedicated therapist who will really help you rekindle hope. Such a person will help you find yourself and all the things that really do make you a worthy and lovable person (in your own eyes). This will be an important route to enable love to be felt and hopefully, flourish.

I think that numbness and hollowness is a symptom of depression. I'm sure the love is still there undeneath, don't worry. Look after yourself x

I have bipolar and I've lived with the exact things about feeling love that you are describing since 2007. It's absolutely horrendous. Medication has helped but I am going through it again- normally it's on one child at a time. I feel anxious guilty depressed over it. The more I search for the feelings the more they are not there. Then the following week I feel over whelmed with feelings of love. I can't really reassure you Hun but know you are not alone in this xxx

Hi, I’m just wondering if you ever felt love again. I’m currently struggling in my relationship as I can’t look at my boyfriend the same way and feel the way I did for him. I recently hit a depressed point in my life and have been in it for months now. I feel indifferent to the people around me but I notice it more with people I used to care deeply about. It’s a sort of apathy. I’m tired of not feeling how I used to, and have considered breaking up with my boyfriend but I can’t as it hurts me and I clearly don’t want to but don’t understand what I really want anymore.
I understand this was posted a few years ago, and would hope you got better.

Please let me know how you are.

@Kmb2701 How are you doing now?

Hi, I still feel apathetic and don't feel positive emotions like love or happiness. My boyfriend and I are sticking together and working it out but it feels annoying because I can't feel, so everything feels forced. I'm seeing a therapist and have come to the conclusion it is because of my self esteem. I can't seem to fix it though. I feel tired of being this way for so long

@Kmb2701 your story is identical to my partners. He couldnt feel anything either, this was 2 years ago. He had therapy and it was exactly the same, he had low self esteem due to childhood. His feelings came back but it's happened again and he said it's worse now because this time he feels really numb.
Sending a big hug your way. How does your boyfriend deal with his emotions?