I hate weekends

[Jekyllandhydesmother]

Like I literally dread the weekend. We spent so long trying to have a kid and I love him so bloody much but I'm so tired.
He's just turned 4. My DH spends alot of time napping or on his phone and gets shitty if I dare to bring that up.

Weekends aren't fun. I don't enjoy spending time with my family. It's constant go go go with my son. And DH is too busy looking at his phone so the constant questions get directed at me.

I feel like a selfish bitch for having a child and then not wanting to spend time with him but I really don't enjoy it. I love seeing him have fun and learn and grow and the idea of him not being around makes me feel sick but I just want to be on the outside watching. I like cuddles and chill and watching a movie or reading with him but that's rare. I do alot of craft with him but even that is hard because I struggle to cut up the cardboard etc and don't get support.

Every morning the kid is up between 5.30-6 will chill for a bit after I give him his tablet (don't judge it keeps us sane and is the only time he has it) but every morning it's me that does it. Then we need to be downstairs at 7 to get ready to get out the door for 7.45 cause it takes forever to get DS out the door. DH saunter down at 7.30 and gets shitty when I say I needed help earlier.

I'm sick of being the bad guy.
Weekends my son is so bloody full on. I have a disability so I'm always really tired and in a lot of pain but I deal because it is my everyday. But I'm the bad guy for asking for help. He'll put the dishwasher on about a 3rd of the time despite agreeing to keep on top of the kitchen. I do everything else and get moaned at if he doesn't have a clean tshirt.

I already take sertraline and that has made a massive difference to my anxiety but honestly I'm just not happy. Any time I try and have a fucking adult conversation I'm nagging or having a go or a bitch. I'm stuck.

I sympathise, weekends with young kids are exhausting. I also really struggle with weekends (have a 4 year old & 2 year old) and though my DH helps he’s often a very tense, stressed presence, and there can be a lot of tension between us. I find the week, when my eldest is at school and DH at work a relief and much easier to manage. I’m dreading the holiday season! I get the nagging thing, and that’s really hard. Can you take turns going into your son, though? Strictly alternating days so there’s no discussion/nagging? Mine also wake at that time and it’s brutal. I used to get up with them every day until recently I got DH to share it and it’s made a huge difference to my overall health.

I’m sorry it’s so hard getting help from your DH. It really doesn’t sound on, and he shouldn’t be calling you a bitch for asking for help. Sounds in the realms of abusive to me.

I just wanted to say don’t feel guilty for not enjoying the time with your DC at the weekend. You love him but are exhausted and unsupported and it’s natural that you’re feeling the way you do.

Your husband sounds awful. Would you be happier without him?

It doesn't sound you or your son are the problem in your situation. Your dh sounds like a total prick. How dare he leave everything to you and get ratty when you ask for help?!

Time you booked a weekend away for one and left him to his responsibilities for a couple of days, I think.

Children are bloody hard work. Don't feel bad about your child being hard work. It does get better.

Your DH , on the other hand, sounds like a tosser. What does he bring to the family - other than a wage?

Can you get out at the weekend? See a friend (with children) , get to the park, soft play, swimming, the woods - getting out will tire your child and fresh air is great for MH

Does your dh do anything at all?
It’s hard work having a shitty, negative, lazy dh around.

Your DH needs to step up and take him to the park, so you can chill, and also do something as a family.

Being in the house too much is trying. I think you need a mix of TV / tablet, getting DS to help with some chores eg putting toys away at the end of the day, structured play like decorating biscuits or colouring.

You need to talk to your partner and say that things need to change.

Your husband is not helping your mental health or on a practical level. I really feel for you, makes weekends really stress.

Would your DH take your son to a club that's on a weekend (trampolining, swimming, gymnastics) to give you a little space and tire your boy out?

Does he start school next year? I found that school helps reduce the endless energy and puts in a routine, might help with sleep?

Thank you all for replying to my stupidly long self indulgent rant 🙈

We did actually used to alternate so I don't know what stopped. I think because I'm already awake as I'm a light sleeper so I wake up and have to wake him to get up.

He is brilliant with our son. DS loves all the rough and tumble stuff whick I physically can't do and he's very good at that. Its just not all the time.

Dh does love me and I know that. It's just been recently (maybe the last year since things went downhill at work for him) that things have changed. He just doesn't get quite how much work goes into looking after a home. We did used to alternate cooking too but that seems to have changed somehow. He does do the bedtime routine to be fair to him.

I'm actually away most of next Sunday at a friend's hen do (very chill affair so not emuch drinking and an early night) so I can't wait to have me time.

I think DH realised I was really struggling yesterday as it was a joint effort doing the decorations and he completely sorted the kitchen.

I just wish I could have an adult conversation about the help I need and be taken seriously without feeling guilty for daring to ask because work is so full on for him. I work full time and am studying uni plus holding down the household responsibilities so it is for me too.

The problem is your H.

Both not doing his fair share of parenting and domestic work and “getting shitty” when you complain. Suggest couple’s counselling.

@Pancakeflipper he takes him to a rugby thing first thing Saturday morning which I really appreciate and DS loves the time with his dad. I'm usually too exhausted to do much but sleep then but it's still me time.

He does start school next September so I hope that will help.

Dh and I had a massive blowout Friday morning and I felt so guilty as DS heard it. We made up and had a family cuddle before DS went to nursery so that helped but it was still awful. I'm going to try and have a proper conversation with him this evening and just say exactly what I feel. I'll make it clear I'm not having a go or nagging but that I just want help.

@Loopytiles I have but he doesn't think we have a problem. I'm going to talk to him later and see what happens

I just wish I could have an adult conversation about the help I need and be taken seriously without feeling guilty for daring to ask because work is so full on for him. I work full time and am studying uni plus holding down the household responsibilities so it is for me too.

I'm thinking that DH reacts this way because HE feels guilty (and so he should)

Would a few couples counselling sessions help? Maybe Uni might offer some advice on where to get counselling? Sometimes having a safe space to say what you need , means you're actually heard

Could you focus your discussion around needing more time alone for studying or your own interests? I think that weekends are easier if each of you takes one day for being with DS & household stuff and the other has a complete break. Both parents milling around half looking after the child and half doing housework doesn't always work.
I know the image of family life is blissfully all being together having 'family time' (hate that expression) but in reality that isn't always easy.
We used to split weekends so that I would take DS out on Saturday, swimming, park, farm shop etc so DH could do his thing & then he would take DS out on Sundays ... to rugby, DH was a coach & DS played. We'd still have most of the afternoon & evening together but at least it gave us both some free time & structure to the weekend.

Sorry, just seem your DH does take your DS to rugby , maybe they don't spend long enough there, as my DH was a coach there would always be loads to do .... plus a drink in the bar to follow whilst the kids had hot dogs and played together.

He might think that, but you disagree. Your time, energy, feelings and wishes are as important as his.

@Ragwort I like that. Itll definitely sound less nagging if I say I need to focus on me. Some of that will need to come from me. Like I spend too much time in the evening doing work/uni work but there really aren't enough hours in the day. I guess if I don't feel completely responsible for keeping the house together then I might be able to relax (again I probably have some control issues from past crap that doesn't help)

@Loopytiles thank you