Which is currently controlling me!
I’ve had anxiety and in particular health anxiety most of my life but now I’m in my mid 40’s it’s getting worse and more controlling.
I did have CBT last year and it just did not help. I understand the concept of CBT and I recognise when I am over catastrophing, black and white and irrational thinking but it just consumes me and everything I was taught just doesn’t seem to ease it.
This is a typical example how my mind works overtime and how I struggle to control that way of thinking:-
A few weeks ago I had a simple ultrasound scan which revealed a kidney cyst, I then had to have a ct scan to check this cyst and then wait for the results (of course, as an anxiety suffer to overcome the angst of waiting I googled and googled. NEVER a good idea!).
I was going crazy waiting so today I paid privately to see a the consultant at my local private hospital (couldn’t really afford it but that’s the sort of thing my health anxiety drives me to!). The consultant was lovely and went through the full ct scan findings in detail with me including the original cyst on the kidney and a few other things which were found. They all raise alarm bells with me especially as I need to have the cyst looked at again in 6 months time via an ultrasound. However, he said all was ok and that if these were his results he would not be at all worried (I had told him about my anxiety and he was very kind but said he was telling me everything and it wasn’t a cause for concern).
BUT, I can’t believe him, I can’t stop thinking and fearing the worst and even though this man has been an oncology urologist for over 30 years and probably seen it all I still can not get over my irrational thoughts.
He told me to go out and live my life but how the hell can you do that with over whelming anxiety and constantly fearing the worst?
Any tips or experiences with health anxiety would be great before I go completely crazy as I do feel alone with this and drive my husband, family and friends insane!