Scared of seeking help with my teeth after long battle with PND

[ysmaem]

I've suffered with crippling depression during most of my pregnancy with my eldest and for many years after his birth. I was just numb and didn't live life but simply existed from day to day through most of his and my youngest sons first few years. Even though I showed my children no neglect I completely neglected myself. I'd sometimes drop the kids off at school and just go back to bed until it was time to pick them up again. I would go days without showering, brushing my teeth and my hair as I just didn't have the energy of the drive to anything. When the kids would stop over at their fathers I wouldn't even get out of bed and would sleep away days at a time. I knew something was wrong, people would always talk about a rush of love they felt when they looked at their child but I always just felt numbness followed by guilt. I knew in my head that I loved my boys but I was so scared someone would take my children away and say that I was an unfit mother if I confessed that I felt life was difficult and that I needed help. My eldest is 8 now after finally getting help and support I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel and getting my life back and I'm a much better parent for it but the damage I've done to my teeth is pretty bad if I'm honest and I really do need to see a dentist but I'm absolutely petrified of being judged, being thought of as dirty and lazy and honestly believe that my teeth are beyond help and feel I'm wasting a dentist's time because at the end of the day I've done this to myself, which I know is a silly way of thinking! I just need a good kick up the backside! Thanks for reading as far as you have, I know it's a very rambly post.

Can you afford to go private? I've found them to be much more kind!

You will feel loads better if you can just go and get it done with. What is the problem with your teeth?

Are you now following a good routine of brushing and flossing? Will the dentist see that you are making an effort? I don’t think that they have time to judge you. They’ll want to fix your teeth, make sure there’s no gum disease, and encourage regular checkups.

Do you know anyone who could recommend a dentist? Or are you near a dental school? Would it help to phone first and explain your past situation? They’re used to seeing damage from many different causes, including mental health.

Dental nurse here- they will not judge you and would of seen much worse. Don't be so hard on yourself. I would recommend a dental hospital though if you have one near you

Sweetheart they will absolutely not judge you, Your brain may well decide that they are but I promise you whatever your teeth are like they have seen much worse! Their job is to assist you with your dental hygiene, please take the step to go, mentally for you it will be a huge step forward.
It sounds like the most awful of times for you and just take those baby steps

I know someone with a fear of dentists and especially of whatwthey were going to say about their teeth. They sorted it out by being brave and doing what I'm going to recommend to you.

Call a dental surgery, say that you have neglected your teeth, you're really worried about coming in, do they have a really kind and lovely dentist on staff, and could they put your situation on your notes so you don't have to explain. If they are not kind on the phone, say you'll think about it and try another surgery.

I have only a mild fear of dentists, but I always score a lovely dentist by being honest about how I am feeling. The only issue is that it's hard to get an appointment with them because everyone wants the super lovely ones.

I didn't go to the dentist for nearly 10 years because I was so terrified of them and because my teeth were badly stained by tea. I eventually plucked up courage and they were really nice, even better they got rid of a lot of the stains for me . Don't worry!

I asked my colleagues to recommend someone who was nice so maybe do the same?

Oh don't worry, you're not alone. I lost a tooth in the midst of a very dark period of depression due to long term (denied at the time) self-neglect. I made an effort to find a kind dental surgery and they have been fab. Give yourself a break, you are coming out of a very dark time and you are looking after yourself again and that in itself is cause for celebration!

No one is going to judge you OP.

The majority of work a dentist does is because of what someone has done to themselves. It doesn't matter, that is what the dentist is there for. We see it all day everyday.

A good dentist will want to find the cause, they will talk you through diet and oral hygiene. This doesn't mean they are judging you, it's purely to prevent further problems, it sounds like you already know the cause anyway.

Personally I really really don't care if someone comes in with a lot of decay, or gum disease or even just needing a really good scale. If someone comes in and needs all their teeth out i really really dont care apart from how it might affect them perspective. I wouldn't judge

What I don't like is when people don't brush their teeth at all, and then expect lots of work. As long as you have brushed your teeth whatever is in your mouth really doesn't matter, and can be sorted

Op I was in a really similar situation to you a year ago. I had completely neglected my teeth during a period of bad depression (over a span of two years I had often not brushed them, definitely not flossed).

When I was starting to come out of the depression, after several weeks of obsessively brushing and flossing, I booked an appointment as part of getting back on track. I was very scared of getting in trouble for how bad they were.

I don't know if this is how it's normally done but they booked me with the hygienist before the actual dentist. I'd really recommend doing it this way if you can. Ring up and ask for a teeth clean by the hygienist before you see the dentist. My hygienist was lovely and I told her how worried I was as I'd been neglecting my teeth. She gave them a really good clean, they had a lot of plaque but she said she had seen a lot, lot worse. Then I saw the dentist with lovely clean teeth. My dentist was lovely too but I was a lot less nervous seeing her with my teeth having just been thoroughly cleaned by the hygienist. I felt so much better afterwards and the whole thing went much better than I expected. Good luck, you will be fine you just need to get it over with. You'll feel so much better afterwards