I'm a stay at home Mum who has suffered with SA most of my life. What I am struggling with is feeling spaced out when I get anxious, which, through googling, I have deduced is Depersonalisation.
I have made a lot of friends since becoming a Mum, but most of them I don't feel able to be myself around. Especially if I deem them "better" than me in any way - e.g. better looking, younger, more popular.
Despite this, I still meet up with these groups, but every time I do, I feel spaced out and am chatting absolute nonsense, as I don't feel connected to myself. One such friend asked me today what I did over the weekend "I can't remember", I replied. I literally couldn't. My brain was like fog. I had not grounding to the rest of me, I felt like I was floating.
Of course this feeling is awful and made worse by the fact there are people around me, so I have to act "normal". The pressure of this and worrying if they can tell just makes it all worse.
I came away from today's catchup just feeling dreadful and ashamed about myself. These "friends" must think I am odd as I am odd when I am experiencing this.
I have a doctors appointment this evening. He wants me to go back on Citilopram but I don't want to as we are hoping to have another child. I am meeting a counsellor on Wednesday to see if they can help me.