Is this depression

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I feel no motivation to do anything at all.

I work 3 twelve hour shifts a week but I'm tired all the time.

Take today for example. I struggled to get out of bed. I couldn't be bothered ironing the kids uniforms. So sent them to school in just about passable fashion. went to the gym with two friends. I'm 5 stone over weight and always struggle there. I hate it. Came home, sat on the sofa and don't want to do anything. DH did a good bit of house work over the week so I only need to keep on top of it making beds, prepping dinner and doing about an hours housework, but ate icecream instead.

My friends are slipping away from me. I seem to be the one making all contact lately.

My dad died about four years ago. I know my mum is struggleing, she is always bitching about family when she phones or talks about about the weather or nothing at all. I try to change the subject but its such hard work. Sometimes I don't want to answer the phone to her, and when i don't the guilt kills me. I know shes lonely

Dh and I are struggling with intimacy lately. I have no sex drive. It was never great, but now its through the floor. I feel awful for him because he tries so hard and I'm and awful wife lately

I am worried about DS starting secondary school. He'll be going there alone. He has a few mild special needs. I'm so worried he won't be accepted in his new school.

If I let myself I'd cry all day and just hide from the world. I miss how life used to be. Even though not much has changed apart frim me. Ive no routine, no plans. Money is a bit tight at the minute but that's nothing new. we always have times when things are tight. Dh is usually the worrier but lately it him tell me not to stress.
I just can't pull myself together. If I talked to my gp I'm worried she'll just tell me make a few changes and everything will come together but I don't think I can

Have you had your thyroid tested? The tiredness and the weight might tie in with hypothyroidism. Simple blood test from GP.
Another common theme on Mumsnet is that people are Vitamin D deficient without realising it. Vitamin D deficiency can increase the chances of putting on weight as the body lays down fat in a vain attempt to absorb more from available sources (which aren't many in the British climate if you don't live on seal's liver)

So Vitamin D3 (get a check from Dr, v v important if he won't check get a supplement of at least 2000 iu a day until you feel better)
And Thyroid test. (TSH test) If your TSH levels are high, it means you are probably not making enough thyroxine and you need supplementation.

Google Thyroid and Vitamin D deficiency on mumsnet for further advice/overview.

Good luck and your GP should not be fobbing you off like this

Thanks. Will google it now.

It's a horrible way to feel. I know what I want and need to do but I just procrastinate everything and then feel awful

It could be, but there could be a physical reason too so definitely a good idea to see GP and get bloods checked.

I completely second the Vitamin D3 advice. I take millions of vitamins but never bothered with Vitamin D (no idea why). I'd been getting more tired and fed up as months went by. Finally bought a 1000ug Vitamin D3 and within a few days I felt so much better! Happier, more energy, more positive.

Try that -- it's always on 3 for 2 in Boots.

And also, have you thought about grief counselling? If this all started after your Dad died, it could be connected?

All your concerns are very very valid ones, worrying about your mum who is alone, your friendships, you are working hard, your dh is feeling worn out too, your son (I have a son with SEN and I was v depressed/stressed when he first went to secondary - this coincided with my thyroid and vit D diagnosis and I think the two were interlinked, the stress and (childbirth in general) triggered my autoimmune system ( I have Hashimotos)and the thryoid made the stress worse as I got tireder and tireder) But these are real things to worry about not just a case of pulling yourself together, as another poster said grief counselling, talking through your situation, accepting that things are hard, and you are working hard too (36 hour week is strenous) and some things blessed (your dh sounds a lovely man and your ds too) So the two go hand in hand, dealing with physical issues and coming to terms with feelings.