Intrusive thoughts - OCD

[tigerfeets]

Hi everyone

I am looking for anyone experiencing intrusive thoughts for some mutual support, or just any support really!

As soon as I seem to get over one worry, my mind finds something that might have happened ages - months/years ago, and convinces me it's something really terrible and to feel awful about it.

I'm so sick of feeling like this! I've tried ERP/CBT multiple times and I feel like they've got me as far as they can but my mind is obsessively ruminating over things that I might have done wrong in the past.

I don't understand WHY my mind feels the need to make me feel guilty/frightened/worried about things so much when I just want to feel happy. Just for a little bit. I want to enjoy my life

I seem to need to take on the responsibility of others and anything that happens to other people. I'm intensely scared of accidentally causing harm to others - and this causes me uncontrollable guilt.

I get told I'm worrying over nothing and it kind of helps, but my mind always reverts back to feeling guilty again over things that I might have done, and it hurts. Terribly!

I honestly don't know where to go at this point. I'm on antidepressants already and I am currently pregnant.

I am seeing my GP on Tuesday and I left a message with a MH midwife who will hopefully get back to me in the morning.

Handhold?

I'm up after my GAD and panic disorder flaring up after losing my job with no warning on Friday. My temperature is raised by 0.5 of a degree and the daft thoughts are creeping in. I hear you, its shitty isn't it?

Auld - I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through! I hope it all resolved quickly and easily for you

It is total shit yeah. I'm at my wits end!

Thanks lovely, I've been dealing with it for 15+ years and have long periods where I feel fine, in this instance its reactive to the job situation.

I'm on my own and have been in temp jobs for the last 3 years after being forced out of my civil service job by a bullying manager. This last job was permanent and I was due to finish my probation tomorrow but I was called in to my manager's office at 4.30 on Friday and informed that they weren't keeping me on - no negative feedback prior to that. They had totally unrealistic expectations of me and I received next to no training.

I'm sick of firefighting. Oh and I broke a tooth yesterday so I'll be trying to get an emergency apt at the dentist tomorrow, it doesn't rain but it pours!

So sorry for what you’re going through, I really do sympathise. I get it too and I have done something really stupid, I was awarded PIP for my mental and physical health issues and I was given a large amount of backdated money. Some family members have taken advantage and I don’t have much left. DH is expecting me to pay for Christmas and I am so stressed.
I can’t stop thinking about the money and what an idiot I am, even though I know I have helped people.
It’s 3am and I cannot stop thinking about it. I still have enough money to look after myself, but nobody seems to care.
When I am finished worrying about that I start thinking about my abusive birth family who are still in this area.
Then I move on to how much I want a cigarette, even though I haven’t smoked for over 10 weeks.
Then it’s time to worry about my children and how I’m not nearly a good enough parent.

Sometimes I can tune it out if I am feeling really strong. Accepting that my brain is stuck in a ‘worry pattern’ can help a bit because then I can see it as something a little bit unreal, almost like a constant thought of a pink elephant. If you recognise the thought for what it is, a bit like depression or euphoria then you can challenge it gently. Try saying to your brain that you know those thoughts exist, but mentally put them on a shelf and choose to focus on something else. It has worked for me before, I am going to try again now.

I find it’s always worse when I’m tired, because you’re pregnant you will often feel tired and so your brain will do it more. I sometimes think it’s the brain going on high alert and analysing everything for a potential threat which we experience as worry!

Just a thought OP I hope you get some rest, good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

@PulyaSochsup Sounds like you're doing your best, we all do stuff we regret at times, it's easy to say but try not to beat yourself up x.

Thanks Auld, part of the reason I got the money was because of my mental health and inability to manage money. I feel like crying about it but at least I have done some good with it. I have told the family members concerned that they need to be financially independent now. I do know though that I have to shelve it....I haven’t done anything terrible or hurt anyone. I have made myself a hot chocolate and I’m going to bed. No doubt tomorrow will bring enough worries of its own.
Thanks so much for replying Auld, it was kind of you

I have struggled with invasive thoughts and OCD symptoms on and off since approx. 12 years old. You are not alone. Pregnancy makes us more vulnerable since our defences are down- physically and mentally. No wonder you feel so crap.

You are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are not necessarily the truth. They can be distorted beyond recognition, usually by thinking of worst case scenarios.

You are being incredibly brave posting about this and if you need a chat, message me.

Auld - been there with work bullying! Disgraceful behaviour people can be awful! I'm sorry they put you through that. Can't believe they gave you no feedback until the meeting that's shocking.

Good luck at the dentist! it's been one of those weeks hasn't it!

Pull ya - that's so sad about your family I hope DH is able to help you over Christmas! Please try not to beat yourself up over it - we all make mistakes. It's only money at the end of the day! I know me saying it won't make much difference but honestly I've messed up re money before, so has my DP. It's more common than you'd think!

I know the feeling about cigarettes - I gave up the day after I found out I was pregnant and I still dream about it now. 10 weeks is awesome - keep going! It has gotten easier I'll be honest so just hang in there!

So sorry to hear about birth family .

I try to tell myself it's the mind bully when I get worried. Or start counting to distract myself. It's hard sometimes to focus on it though - my OCD LOVES to catch me off guard!

Thank you for the advice and the well wishes best to you too!

Hi op my ocd was pretty extreme in pregnancy!!
Im currently sat on the sofa having mini meltdown about the fact some one is here doing some maintenance.
My ocd is currently a fear of asbestos.......it is consuming me.........i hate my ocd.......!!!

Wynston- so sorry to hear that!

I have also got the asbestos fear - the amount of times I've asked DP if the house is asbestos free is ridiculous. When we were decorating I scraped a bit of the ceiling plaster off and convinced myself it contained asbestos - and that I'd then tracked the fibres out and about with me, exposing other people.

Of course the house doesn't contain asbestos and DP knows this but the OCD loves fixating on it occasionally.

I hope the work goes well and you're not alone here if you need to chat!

Oh thank god im not alone.......unfortunately there are some things in the house that probably have asbestos in-like the artex ceiling etc.
Also we have an asbestos roof gagrage-us and the rest of the country it looks like.......i have no idea whats safe anymore......im a mess!!!
Sorry didn't mean 2 offload was just hoping you are not alone!!! Xx

It's ok Wynston that's what I made the thread for mutual support when required!

My parents had artex style ceiling but luckily it was asbestos free - the houses were built as a job lot so I gathered and a neighbour had theirs checked and everyone was informed. They were built after the asbestos craze in the 70s though.

It's safe if it's not disturbed as far as I've managed to gather and from what I've read (I know I shouldn't google but sometimes it's hard to resist!) it's more long term exposure to it that's a problem. Short term can be but again I think builders and the like are at more risk.

It is pretty common and people aren't dropping on the streets over it - if it was that dangerous they'd surely have forced everyone to have it removed from their houses on some kind of government scheme by now?

I'm not sure. Just ways I look at it to try to feel better. Hope this helps!

I'm coming to the conclusion I may have ocd and not sure what to do about it. I seem to reach a low, pull myself back and on the way back up take on obsessions. My current one is work and helping a family member. I get myself in knots as as soon as I realise I've over-committed I can't say no as that would be mean or I'd feel like I've failed. I think the hyper vigilance comes from not having my needs met as a child, and still having them dismissed by selfish family members. I've come to the conclusion that the only solution is to draw boundaries and say no to more helping.

I'm not sure what to do about work, I told my manager I am on leave today due to my caring responsibilities over the weekend (family member with mh issues), the help I gave was very physical and I can't work today. He said that's fine but still asked me to send over a document (a document I haven't written and am behind on). I feel like giving up/breaking to be honest.

I mean, sod them, sod everyone and their problems/agendas.
Meanwhile, I get really obsessed over small details (recently diagnosed ADHD). I know lots of people say lower your standards but I feel like if I do that, my life will go to shit. Somewhere is that elusive balance and I need to find it.

Wynston - again though I'm not sure re exposure I could be wrong! Maybe GP would be able to help re therapy or advice?

ncfamily - I'd speak to GP about therapies/medication if you can - they really helped me a massive load! I could barely cope before.

I tried some counselling which helped me realise quite a few issues I've carried since childhood - it was a real eye opener (if hard to come to terms with! I still haven't properly). I think setting boundaries sounds like a really good idea if it helps I'm expected to do a lot by my family as well and recently I've had to start saying no as I'm heavily pregnant and unable to do much at all! It didn't go down well, but now the dust has settled so to speak, things are much better. The relief is overwhelming!

Sometimes work/life balance can be so hard - can you get any help with the caring responsibilities? Or is there anything at work that you could utilise? Make sure you look after yourself ❤️

Enchanted - Would love to chat, can you pm on app?

I found through my pregnancies the thoughts and feelings got more intense I'm thinking it was the hormones causing them to get worse.

Every time you have an intrusive thought welcome it and then label it as OCD and let the thought go. It helps if you say in your head "it's ocd it's ocd" over and over until you drift onto something else.

Sorry not the greatest advice but it has helped me x

Thank you Midnight - I'll give it a try!

Does anyone have any idea how long after pregnancy it might take for everything to die down a bit? Emotion-wise? I've been noticeably worse whilst preggers

Op is this youre first pregnancy??

Thank you @tigerfeets. Yes to boundaries. I might be able to get a half day carers leave. I'll look at that. Thank you xx

Wynston - yeah it's my first